The Dead Don't Die

Easily -- EASILY -- the worst film I've seen in the last five years. Like an exquisite corpse script written alternately by a Redditor (Driver's insufferably "meta" Deadpool schtick and a sense of humor that just involves """weirdness""" and saying the same lines over and over again) and an NPR host (Buscemi's inscrutable "Keep America White Again" hat and repeated fracking references), and directed apparently by no one, because I'm hard pressed to think of a single memorable image or even like... idea in this thing. This is one of the only times in my life I've actively considered walking out of a movie, and I almost did. But when it got to the part where zombies were wandering around muttering "Wifi...Bluetooth...Siri..." I felt a stubborn streak rise up in me, and I knew I had to see this shit through. It's also just shoddily constructed, too? Like there are subplots that never resolve, they're just there to have something to cut away to. And it wraps up on this insipid point about consumerism or something? You can't just have a closing monologue where Nick Nolte says "these people and their Nintendos smdh..." and call that your theme! The whole movie has to be about that! I'm in genuine awe of how much this movie sucks. Bad in every possible way a movie can be bad, and because it's a bad comedy, you can't even laugh at it. Someone please put Jim Jarmusch out of his misery.

Esther liked this review