• Seconds

    Seconds

    ★★★★½

    WORST. MLM. EVER!!!!!


    (Also… masterpiece.)

  • The Rocketeer

    The Rocketeer

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I love that in this movie the canonical reason for the HOLLYWOODLAND sign becoming the HOLLYWOOD sign is that a Nazi crash landed on the -LAND part and burned to death. 🙏

  • Onibaba

    Onibaba

    ★★★★

    What if we kissed 🥺👉👈
    In the Onibaba hole 👹🕳️

  • NDDJ (Notre-Dame-du-Jambon)

    NDDJ (Notre-Dame-du-Jambon)

    ★★★★★

    Marvelous. Love the combination of the boys’ footage and the crew’s footage. A slice of life, young energy captured. Just fantastic.

  • Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

    Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

    ★★★★

    “I had to pick a side, George. It was an aesthetic choice as much as a moral one. And the West has become so very ugly.”

    That line was my skeleton key for the entire film. Suddenly every dreary production design decision, every lethargic pan across muted streets, every drab three-piece suit, every lingering shot of cavernous yet stifling bureaucratic interiors, every slow zoom into a dirty window set inelegantly within a stained brick façade, the rust, the dust, the smoke, the rain, the oppressive life-leached limpness… it all made perfect sense.

  • Dead Bort

    Dead Bort

    ★★★★

    This is like if Jack Stauber, Alan Resnick, Jane Schoenbrun, and a YouTube poop had a baby.

    The eyeball scene is gonna haunt me for weeks.

  • Orion and the Dark

    Orion and the Dark

    ★★★★

    “What if life is a cosmic accident, and my existence has no meaning?”

    David Foster Wallace bedtime stories, Werner Herzog narration cameos, Saul Bass jokes, a Sleep Entity that chloroforms people, Tame Impala & The Flaming lips on the soundtrack, Japanese existential insomnia fuel... I would like Charlie Kaufman to write all kids’ movies from now on, please. Thank you!

    IMMENSELY charming and cool as hell. I even love the bonkers third act. So refreshing when movies for kids treat their…

  • Dead Calm

    Dead Calm

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Not to hand it to aquatic rapist Billy Zane but to his credit I bet she completely forgot about her dead kid while he was on board…

  • Proof of Concept

    Proof of Concept

    ★★★½

    Sadly, A24 will be passing on THE WATERS ONTOLOGY.

  • Anyone But You

    Anyone But You

    ★★★½

    Classic mid tier romcom goodness!!! Movies are back, baby!

    Main takeaways:
    - Her parents need to be tried for war crimes. 
    - The two of them cost the city of Sydney SO MUCH in taxpayer dollars?!???
    - “Nobody’s 29.”
    - Pete I am in love with you and the way you speak to koalas.

  • The Promised Land

    The Promised Land

    ★★★★

    Good movie but I don’t understand why Kahlen didn’t say “more like De Schtinkel” every time Schtinkel insisted on the De. Just saying.

    Stupid review aside, Ann Barbara and Anmai Mus steal this thing. They’re fantastic. My main gripe is we never once see a cooked potato. Come on. Cook those potatoes Kahlen cares so much about!!!

  • River Wild

    River Wild

    ★★★

    Fuckboy murderer Adam Brody save me

    Save me fuckboy murderer Adam Brody