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  • Adventure Time: Distant Lands

    Adventure Time: Distant Lands

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I watched the Marceline one. 
    20 year-old stoner Finn was the highlight of my year so far (I also got a pretty good cry about the fact that Jake is most likely dead, and that Finn has the tattoo to memorialize him), the stuff with the mom is beautifully tragic, MORE BUBBLINE CONTENT (people who didn’t watch the show live will never know the pain of waiting ten years for those two to finally fuck), but I wasn’t too huge…

  • The Spectacular Spider-Man

    The Spectacular Spider-Man

    ★★★★★

    The best Spider-Man adaptation. Undisputed king.

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  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    You know what was pretty refreshing about Star Wars: The Last Jedi? The reoccurring theme it brings up that the strict binary of good and evil, Jedi and Sith, is damaging and that we can take the good elements of both and and make something truly good from that. Here, Finn has a scene where he tells a former stormtrooper that because he found The Force and the Resistance, he has purpose now. Trade in the First Order for the…

  • The Departed

    The Departed

    ★★★★★

    This movie is perfect. But what about The Rat, Ethan? You say, frothing in the mouth, a geyser of foam dripping off of your bottom lip. The Rat ruins everything! Digitally remove it from the frame! It’s imperfect! 
    Fuck you! The Rat’s fucking perfect! Fuck it! The Rat should’ve won Best Actor! You wanna remove The Rat from the frame? You wanna fucking remove the fucking rat? Fuck you! I’ll digitally add The Rat into more scenes! I’ll put that…