Artemis Fowl ½

I laughed exactly two times in this movie, and one of the jokes I laughed at was the same as a joke I had made within the first ten minutes (about Judi Dench looking like David Bowie).

The jaw stuff honestly made me feel like I was gonna barf. Like, wow.

Also, I have so many questions:

Why were the interrogation scenes in black and white? Why did Josh Gad and Judy Dench both sound like they were doing impressions of Dr. Klaw from Inspector Gadget? Why did the troll CGI look worse than that of the troll in the first Harry Potter film? What exactly was Artemis so good at? And most importantly, what kind of asshole of a therapist has glass doors that look from the waiting room into the office proper, where anyone can see in to the session you’re currently holding?

I don’t think I’ve ever despised a viewing experience quite as much as this one.

Mae liked these reviews