• Crash

    Crash

    Life hasn't felt the same since the accident, has it? Unchecked mental illness/ brain damage leading to sweaty, sloppy sex binges in the cum-stained backseat of a battered muscle car. The animalistic tendencies of man shine through in contrast to the ever-expanding, surrealist world of frigid metal and burdensome artificial technologies being presented. Let Cronenberg lull you into this depraved, highly physical, and ultimately temporary existence.

  • Men

    Men

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Impregnation and vore and inflation fetish wrapped in pretentious A24 elevated horror bow. Unfortunately, Garland's perspective into gender seems to offer little insight beyond your usual surface level platitudes, despite a few gripping dialogue sequences that seem to end before saying anything new or noteworthy.

    Pales in comparison to Garland's more accessible works & part of me wishes he'd realize there is no shame in making popcorn faire for the masses. However, the movie seems to give absolutely 0 fuck about what I, or anyone else, may think of it & does so to such a baller degree that I can't help but give it some respect.

  • WandaVision

    WandaVision

    Even Raimi didn't have time to watch this shit.

    Just here to circlejerk since I already hated this show and am now fully supported by history, given the fact that everything here was recently rendered pointless. None of your MCU capeshit content has any meaning. It's all going to be inevitably upended by studio executives pushing out 20 new movies and 20 new shows a month for maximum profit.

    I could write an essay on reasons why I hate these…

  • The Northman

    The Northman

    What it feels like to be white in 2022.

    This is not a retelling of viking lore from days past, one based off Hollywood preconceived notions we had witnessed in the age of post-modernism (complete with viking horns born completely from fiction). Instead, this is a metaphysical time machine into the very psyche of a viking. Presented with psychadelia, lots of wolf howling, and visions of the all-encompassing family tree despite a world not fit for the living.

    Feels great…

  • RRR

    RRR

    Absolutely baller movie. Epic on all fronts & outrageous in scale, including runtime (occasionally to its detriment). Outstanding technicals supported by expert direction, especially during huge set peices. The full package through and through.

  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2

    Sonic the Hedgehog 2

    Metamodernist children's movie. Everything is cringe. Everything is ironic. Strives for memeable moments rather than genuine intrigue and I find it fascinating. If Shadow doesn't say poggers in the next one, I'll walk out.

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once

    At times a creative, existential blend of action/sci-fi but other times a drama with characters that aren't dynamic enough to carry one, specifically an annoying, miscast daughter character deflating most the movie. So daring to be quircky and weird that it distracts from its strengths. The pulpier, hardcore corners of this film (ones not reaching for early 2010s level Smosh humor) are by far the most intriguing. Continues to intrude on itself in order to remain undefinable & overuse mid jokes…

  • Ambulance

    Ambulance

    Bayhem but what if kino???

    Came for the awesome drone shots. Stayed for much more. Pulse pounding, non-stop action that somehow never fails to get boring throughout the entire runtime. Captivating, intense performances pulling off Bay's signature self-serious dialogue mixed with dumbass, off-colored cheese. The absolute chaos blends into a melting pot of everything I watch action movies for. Delivers exactly what it promises.

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    Really depressing, existential, & impactful food for thought, but at the end of the day I just wasn't invested in what was going on & fell asleep at some point when I watched it, similar to the janitor in the car. I also don't think a movie is necessarily good if you have to watch a YouTube video afterwards to finally understand what was going on during the previous 2 hours. I do give this movie SOME credit because that explainer vid…

  • West Side Story

    West Side Story

    Why does this exist. So much talent & skill on display for an end product that's existed since 1961. Every romantic scene feat. c-list actor Ansel Elgort is a skip. Also made me come to terms with how mid the source material is.

  • Turning Red

    Turning Red

    Pixar delivers a movie with both a cohesive vision & plot that actually strives for something greater. Their first since Coco. While the movie is hampered by an enjoyable, if mildly forgettable, first half akin to their most recent outings, the climax is able to deliver that childlike sense of wonder the studio used to be so well known for & really ties it all together.

    Also, while it's pretty basic to say "Pixar animation good," my god is this art style…

  • Hard Boiled

    Hard Boiled

    I was unable to breathe, had tears streaming down my face, & developed a headache. A great time.