Halloween ★★

oh no! i feel like i'm becoming a curmudgeon or maybe just becoming more of one! this totally wasn't my vibe at all. i wanted to love this so bad, but i just didn't. and i kind of almost maybe hated it a little except when i type that i feel bad about it and i don't really. i feel a lot of affection for this movie even while i sort of am hating it. and i sort of bummed myself out doing that! at least right now. maybe i will love it in the future? idk!

i just. i love the halloween movies so much. they mean SO much to me personally and are kind of at the center of my movie world. like to the point where i don't rly even know how to express it. like, being real, i think the original halloween helped me truly SEE myself for the first time such that i could start my transitioning. i saw (and still see) myself in Laurie so much. in OG, i saw Laurie facing down The Shape, and i RECOGNIZED The Shape, because I think it was maleness/masculinity killing me. and Laurie couldn't kill The Shape yet because it was part of her (part of me), but it also showed me that The Shape couldn't kill Laurie, and that maybe that was a way out for me. i could Live. like Laurie lived. then H4 and H5 gave me a world where i could have sisters, where i could BE someone's sister. people who loved and cared for each other. if OG showed me i could live, they gave me hints as to how. they felt like visions of how i could live in the midst of what was trying to kill me, which was often also me (which is so woven into both Laurie and Jamie, i think). visions, honestly, of a world i didn't know could ever exist for me. i rewatched OG halloween right before seeing this and i was trying not to openly start bawling. i love laurie strode with all my heart and she only seems to mean more to me as time goes by. i cried seeing how wonderful she is to Tommy and Lindsey. and seeing the raw pain on Laurie's face. more so than in almost any other movies, i feel like Halloween sees me.

so, watching Jamie Lee in 2018 was really deeply moving and important for me but i would have loved so much to spend more time with her and her family. and even tho she was it kind of felt like laurie was barely in this movie. like i loved the dinner scene where Laurie is struggling and kind of a mess. that felt real to me. like, i WANT three generations of women caring for each other, living with/healing with the mess of trauma that they share, finding ways out together. and i totally could get behind the gun-toting post-apocalyptic mad max Strode Warrior fight tooth and nail claw BACK movie that is hinted at the end. but all of it didn't seem to connect for me. 2018 didn't really feel about Laurie. i'm not sure what it really even felt like it was about at all. and i just felt uncomfortable with the way it handled Laurie's trauma and that of her family.

because like also really i am not that Laurie. i am H20 Laurie. watching 2018 kind of mostly made me think AGAIN how much i love H20 and that next to H5 is my favorite H sequel. H20 feels like a stunningly deep portrait of trauma and grief that also allows Laurie to not just fight back against The Shape, but to fight through all she's carried for so long. i feel like especially H20 showed us how Laurie was already always quietly fighting every moment every day. it rhymes for me with the way The Shape has always felt like a simultaneous invasion and projection in OG. Laurie didn't stop fighting that night, it still was there with her and she fought it every single day, even though you couldn't SEE it in the same way.

i am so that Laurie. older, depressed, traumatized, mostly alone, struggling, addicted. trying my best to be all that invisibly. feeling like i'm taking up to much space by even saying what it is that's going on for me (even/esp here?). having maybe driven people away. incapacity and a mask of functionality covering desperation. i don't WANT that for Laurie. my heart is broken for that Laurie. i think this is why i cried even more watching OG, because i could see how H20 happens. but i GET that Laurie, because i think she is a lot like me.

but also, when i saw H20 Laurie fighting. she made me feel like i was actually maybe strong in ways i didn't realize, that i really could fight back against what was/is inside me, that i WAS just by getting through each day. the end of H20 is still the most triumphant moment in the H series but just precisely because of what Laurie has gone through and how. like, it's this one Moment of her fighting back, but you realize that actually Laurie was winning that fight inside herself every. single. day. over. and over. and over. only maybe like me she didn't even realize it, until The Shape returned and it just... came out.

i feel like i have grown dumber over time and that i have nothing really to say, let alone something eloquent, but halloween means the most to me & i think i'm just trying to figure out why the heck i responded this way to 2018. maybe it just didn't ring true for me. and when i'm so personal about them i just tend to think of them in their relationship to myself, which isn't really a good rubric for judging a movie maybe. because it doesn't have to! i went with a friend and they LOVED it. and so i hope maybe this will be other people's H20 or H5 or RZH2. honestly, it still just means the world to me to have gotten to live til a NEW halloween movie in a real live movie theater.

also, i liked that for a while it did capture the freewheeling something-is-happening-right-now-and-we-can-feel-it-in-the-air-itself feeling of H2-81, which was always kind of magic to me, and that was cool! other times this kind of felt like a Halloween Greatest Hits record and that's pretty okay even though it felt like this movie was the halfs of like 3 other movies pasted together.

also, did anyone else think the editing in the opening scene and the mannequins-in-the-woods scenes were really stressful? like not in an effective Tension way, but more of a AHHH why is it so Loud?? why are these alarms blaring? did something happen? ALL THESE CUTS TO MANNEQUIN FACES!!! AHHH.

also, my favorite parts, which felt like the potential beating heart of a movie i probably would have loved more were:

the moment of Laurie just in her truck, the world of emotions that pass across Jamie Lee's face. (and the knowledge that that was the scene i think after which Jamie Lee finished the scene and the crew were all wearing/holding/showing 'We Are Laurie Strode' insignia). Jamie Lee i will love you always & forever.

and Vicky babysitting Julian, where there relationship was my favorite part of the whole movie. it felt totally H5 and in the sister-coven spirit of what i love about Halloween. i want a movie where Vicky just hangs out and babysits Julian!

lastly, Allyson's bf throwing her phone into a viscous punch-like substance after HE kissed another girl in front of her and then got mad at HER? what the heck! dump him, tbh!

anway this has been my lunkheaded anti-psychotic cigarette degraded brain talking about this moving picture.

claire 👁️ liked these reviews