Popular reviews

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  Review by Lucy ★½ 16

  This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

  a 17 year wait to finally see the witch and she looks like some kind of flying demonic string cheese noodle ass. i quit

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  Review by single white femalien ★★½ 118

  im not sure if it would do anything to improve anyone's chances of survival but regardless i feel like someone really ought to apologize to Ms. Blair Witch. she was tortured to death by shitty colonists and now all she wants to do is live her death peacefully in her fixer upper in the middle of the woods and meddling kids won't leave her alone!! im sorry blair witch. i love and respect you. i won't bother u.

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  Review by my 9 year old niece ★★★★★ 14

  “once upon a time, i thought it was a documentary, so i asked beebaw (grandpa) if it was a documentary, and he said yes, and i got really scared, but at the end of the movie he said it wasn’t a documentary 😡”
  (her phone starts ringing)
  and then what happened?
  “and then i’m done”
  (she walks away to take a call)

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  Review by DirkH ½ 17

  Oh just fuck off, will ya?

  But, it's a sequel/reboot! We have to pay homage to the original!

  Listen Mr You've-directed-the-guest-so-you-deserve-some-slack-but-you're-awfully-close-to-being-called-mr-Wankard-from-now-on, paying homage does not mean basically copying everything and simply updating it. And how the fuck are you paying homage if you TAKE AWAY EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MYSTERY THAT MADE THE ORIGINAL SO TERRIFYING? (to me, that is. I scare easily.)

  But but we've got all these cool cameras and stuff

  THAT YOU ONLY USE TO INDUCE EPILEPSY!!

  But we've got a drone

  FUCK OFF!!

  But we're totally expanding the mythology around the Blair Witch

  NO YOU'RE NOT YOU DAFT WANKER YOU'RE DESTROYING IT BY ACTUALLY SHOWING EVERYTHING. MY IMAGINATION IS MUCH MORE FRIGHTENING THAN THAT SILLY GENERIC MONSTER DESIGN YOU SHAT OUT!!

  but our movie is really

  OH JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY!

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  Review by #1 gizmo fan ★★½ 5

  if the scariest thing about your movie is a fucking foot then we have a problem

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  Review by ♦️•Lily•💋 ★★★ 1

  The Blair Witch finally conquered her fear of making public appearances, so proud of her ❤️

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  Review by nathaxnne [hiatus <3] ★½ 85

  Of all the things a movie about a witch-haunted woods must do, especially a movie which grounds itself materially in the documentation process, the provenance by which notice of this haunting is delivered or transmitted to the viewer, the recipient of this transmission, to be haunted itself and in turn to haunt the viewer is the most vital, most important task of such a movie. For what are movies but hauntings themselves? A spectral emanating from the past which attaches itself to a viewer, binds itself and becomes part of. If such a movie is constructed as to resist its own propensity to haunt, and instead is actively cast aside, unhexed even during the viewing, it undoes itself, undoes the pact, the covenant, between the viewer and itself.

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  Review by Matt Singer ★★ 4

  Next time my wife tries to get me to go camping, I’m just gonna show her this. Camping is unnatural, guys. If men were meant to camp, there wouldn’t be Blair Witches out in the woods making people stand in the corners of dilapidated houses.

  Full review at ScreenCrush.

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  Review by David Sims ★½ 7

  oh fuck off

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  Review by esther ½ 4

  can't think of a more shameless example of Hollywood taking a genuinely exciting, provocative, audaciously experimental work of art and using its name to sell an ugly, generic, self-referential piece of shit. The Blair Witch Project is one of the best and scariest films of all time and you'll see none of the reasons why in here. just a bunch of superficial "escalation" of that film's details (3 times the characters! 10 times the "scares"! 100 times the spooky stick figures!) and some truly disgusting refutations of its core tenets. there's an actual real physical monster in this movie and you see it full-on like 5 times. made me sick to my stomach. done talking about this thing. garbage garbage garbage.

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  Review by matt lynch ★½ 1

  Same exact movie, just with better equipment and even dumber kids, but without the original's shock of the new.

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  Review by Tony the Terror 🎃 ★★★★ 12

  I still think this movie is great and y’all still hateful with them ratings.