Without any irony or that "aware of how silly it is" quality people for some goddamn reason champion in action movies these days, this Sylvester Stallone penned thriller hurls a big sleazeball of post-Dirty Harry fascism at your eyeballs faster than you can say MTV. I would argue that Cannon Films generally, and this film in particular, represent the nexus of low brow exploitation and slick Hollywood spectacle (and perhaps its apex too). This is a nasty and mean piece of work, that, though never overtly graphic, feels as grimy and ludicrous as some of the stuff that played on 42nd Street in the decade prior. It's all coated in a sheen of style from director George P. Cosmatos and…

Gotta love the AWSOM 50 license plate; delicately complex writing from Sly. I mean, all Cobra brings to battle with him is a match to chew on and a Coors to sip on -- ain't no goofs or gaffs under those shades, my friends. If there's one thing that I learned from this movie, it's never to go to battle without a goddamn match between my teeth. I'd take a baker's dozen punches to the Adam's apple before smackin' back without my handy-dandy wick... can't be poppin' caps before, first and foremost, taking care of that oral fixation.

I don't mean to get mathematical on ya but I'd say that the oral fixation, the match, the shades and the license…

So Cobra is a movie about a cop who’s named Cobra (played by Sylvester Stallone) and he’s sort of a rogue cop I guess. He doesn’t wear a uniform, work with a partner, and doesn’t even arrest criminals. In fact, other cops seem to only call him when they need someone to murder their suspect or criminal without a trial or due process. 

This movie is not the best, it’s pretty much the worst kind of action shlock the 80s had to offer. The plot is basically about Cobra hunting a serial killer called “the Nightslasher” as well his his cult. I guess it’s a cult? It’s never made clear who these weirdos are that follow and protect this guy…