I remember being acutely frustrated by the IMDb reviews for All Is Lost, which to a one seemed to be written by hobbyist sailors whose main reason for watching was to determine whether or not Our Man (Robert Redford) follows protocol at each stage of his ship's sinking. Spoilers for All Is Lost: he doesn't. This, these seamen decided, is reason enough to justify a one star review. Those who watch All Is Lost because they love movies rather than because they love sailing will recognize this as an absurd reason to dislike a movie—nothing in the film suggests Redford is portraying an ideal (or even above-average) sailor. That he makes mistakes is kind of, you know, the point. And yet here I am, four years and 95 minutes later, unable to forgive Dead Calm, Phillip Noyce, or Nicole Kidman: why doesn't she just kill Billy Zane the first ten chances she has?