Popular reviews

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  Review by davidehrlich ½ 87

  FALLEN KINGDOM makes Jurassic World look like Jurassic Park.

  a tedious, infuriating, and braindead ordeal that knowingly epitomizes so much of what’s wrong with modern blockbusters. i *hated* every cheap, cynical, ill-considered moment of this stupid fucking movie.

  it's so thunderously awful that i almost *want* to watch the "Cinema Sins" video about it, just to try and keep score. almost. i can't think of a more damning criticism right now.

  please for the love of god put this franchise out of my misery and kill the dinosaurs already. kill them all. start with Blue. i didn't spend my entire childhood looking under the bed for velociraptors just to be told that they're cute and huggable and i'm actually supposed to love these lizard killing machines now. i never imagined a haunted house movie about dinosaurs could possibly be this dumb. my mistake. my mistake, indeed.

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  Review by saskia 🦈 ★★★★ 18

  This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

  my feelings were hurt real bad when that one dinosaur was left behind on that island

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  Review by Jay ★★½ 4

  hi guys it’s jeff goldblum here :) sorry i was gone for a few days i was kidnapped by universal and forced to star in fallen kingdom (im fine so dont worry) so yeah :/

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  Review by sree ★ 10

  [screeching]
  WHEN WILL YOU LEARN
  WHEN WILL YOU LEARN
  THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

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  Review by Matt Singer ★½ 11

  Every Jurassic Park sequel has had an uncomfortable relationship with logic, but even by this franchise’s standards, Fallen Kingdom is particularly ridiculous. All of the characters — even the heroes we’re supposed to root for — make baffling, indefensible choices. They put their trust in obviously evil people; they suggest solutions to problems that are infinitely more dangerous than the problems themselves. They build underground laboratories for secret dinosaur experiments with laxer security than my daughter’s daycare. The only characters who behave rationally, in fact, are the dinosaurs. At one point, someone refers to Blue as the “second smartest animal” on Earth. Based on the evidence in this film, I think it’s time for a recount.

  Full review at ScreenCrush.

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  Review by andrea🌹 ★★ 9

  a character in the movie: is dead
  me: god i wish that were me

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  Review by Patrick Willems ★★★ 5

  If you can't make a good Jurassic Park sequel, make a totally bugnuts insane one

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  Review by matt lynch ★★ 4

  "Now eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello?"

  These movies have one job: show me a bunch of dinosaurs chasing and eating people. This puts a bunch of them in a basement and then one of them chases a little girl through a house. I expected this to be completely idiotic but I didn't expect it to be so fucking boring.

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  Review by mary🦋 ★★½ 3

  ∙∵∥∕∖∗∖ ∣∣∥∙∕º:/*✶°  on this
       ╲∙\∘∵\∘∕º/*∗╱  volcano island
              ∖ \∗∖ ∣∥∙∕    we only care about
              ╱╱ ╲╲
        ╱╱Blue💙╲╲
  ╱╱                         ╲╲

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  Review by Wes ★

  the projector wasnt working when it was scheduled the start and the black screen i sat through for 15 minutes had a more coherent and believable plot and screenplay

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  Review by tru 5

  sure, human trafficking is bad, but dinosaur trafficking is worse

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  Review by k(arst)en ★★½ 4

  I really don’t know. I feel guilty for not giving it my full attention but at the same time I feel like it delivered me the most half-assed, unimportant, and unnecessary movie I’ve seen in awhile. BUT , it was entertaining. I’m not a huge Jurassic Park/World fan but I keep seeing these movies and I keep secretly enjoying myself.

  Oh but I will say this had the worst performances of the year, hands down.