People are calling Nukie the worst film ever made. It's not. It's absolutely dreadful and deeply stupid but I've seen way worse. This isn't even the worst South African film I've seen.

Two aliens named Miko and Nukie crash land on earth. Nukie lands in Africa while Miko unfortunately lands in America. Nukie must find his brother who has been captured by the American space agency. Definitely not NASA though. Please ignore any logos that indicate otherwise.

Nukie looks like an animatronic mummy's ball bag, he has a constant snotty nose and is an extremely annoying extraterrestrial crybaby bitch. This also features a plethora of annoying people, annoying kids, annoying concepts annoying talking monkeys, annoying talking computers and annoying stock…

Nukie and his brother Miko are balls of space-light energy, and they crash land on Earth, in completely different locations for some reason. Nukie in Africa, and Miko in the U.S., where he’s captured by a space foundation and held captive with various tubes hooked into him. In their physical Earth bodies, the brothers vaguely resemble E.T., but with the costumes seemingly designed by Laura Gemser (she made the goblin costumes in Troll 2). Each brother interacts with their surroundings, as they try to find a way to reconnect. Reading this synopsis, I’m anticipating you have a few questions. Allow me to answer.

-Does Nukie have a dance number? Yes, and it ends with him shooting fireworks from his fingers.…

Though South Africa isn't widely renowned in the movie making world, it has churned out delights such as 2005's Tsotsi, and yet also this trifling and lame sci-fi effort titled Nukie.

Usually, I don't go by IMDb star ratings, but when I saw this movie received an aggregate score of 1.5 out of 10, I had to really see this for myself how utterly awful this film is. Nukie is a movie that needs to be seen to be believed at how wretched and bad it truly is.

And it sure is hideous. If E.T is the king of aliens, then Nukie is its even sadder equivalent. Nukie looks like a hideous fusion of Yoda from Star Wars, & Gollum from…

In this current cinematic market of remakes and reboots, whatever happened to the cheapo, wrong headed, cash grab, knock off? Where can I go to find bargain bin "re-imaginings" of famous blockbusters? Don't tell me Asylum, because those guys mostly crank out garbage anyway....Except Z-Nation. That show's the shiiiit!!
But, my point is, for me anyway, most of the time "bad" knock offs of studio blockbusters are more entertaining than the source material. None more so than E.T. knock offs. I've watched Mac&Me about a bajillion more times than I've watched E.T. and I feel no shame over that. Which is why it's so strange it's taken me this long to get around to seeing Nukie.
If you've been waiting…

Remember that part in E.T. when the scientists kidnap E.T. and nearly kill him in a tent running medical tests? Wasn't that always your favorite part as a kid? It wasn't?? Because here's a movie where it's HALF THE FUCKING MOVIE. Nukie and his brother Miko are horrid little creatures from space that enter Earth's atmosphere as insane balls of light-energy racing around the globe, with one crash-landing in LA and the other in Africa. The one in LA gets taken to a medical facility and spends half the movie screaming for his brother in torment, while Nukie kind of stumbles around the bushveld, babbling semi-coherently like a cross between C3PO and Paddington Bear, and looking like nothing less, really,…

I can’t and won’t give any rating to nukie. I’ve had the VHS tape kicking about for years, moved from closet to closet, boxed up out of sight. But last year my partner and I bought a house, and when we moved and settled in, we placed Nukie on a bookshelf in plain view. Because after years of talking about it, I was gonna make sure we finally watched it together. I had to purchase a janky device from the internet to connect a vcr to our tv, and it barely works, and it looks like shit but that’s fine because Nukie doesn’t need to be seen in HD. And finally last night we watched it. It’s everything I remember,…

If we’re honest about it, E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL was not destined to be a slam-dunk. Sure, in the hands of a master like Spielberg, a story about a square-headed, telescope-necked, bug-eyed alien stranded on Earth could become a timeless fable about things like Home and Love, but that did not necessarily have to happen. The inherent charm of
a protagonist that most resembles a potatosack full of 75 pounds of chewed bubblegum? Maybe it’s not quite so inherent.
Enter NUKIE, a South African-produced entry in the parade of E.T. knock-offs that followed in the wake of Spielberg’s mega-blockbuster. Taking most of the elements that E.T.
riffed on so successfully -- a friendly young alien marooned on our planet; a boy…