This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

“that thing is the devil!”

an extra half star because my friends were scared to death and jumping out of their seats every time the biggest shark in known existence somehow snuck up on everyone without being noticed. which happened a lot. she’s sneaky

Has a big giant shark that eats someone at least every 15 minutes. Self aware and gleefully stupid without a bunch of winking. Pretty much does exactly what it's supposed to.

The Life Aquatic with Jason Statham.

I love a dumb movie. But everything about this movie felt so... uncharmingly dumb? So plastic and poorly made, like a high-budget TV movie made 14 years too late.

Everyone was having a terrific time through the trailers, and then the room fell embarrassingly silent through the beginning in a way that really hit home how little I wanted to be there. So I left about 15-20 minutes in. Oh well. Not for me!

I have literally been waterboarded before, and that was a far more pleasant experience than watching this “movie”.

The first half of The Meg ain’t great. Too much time is wasted on the characters, their connections, and the nitty gritty of ocean-floor rescue operations. Then The Meg returns to the surface, and its title character attacks Jason Statham and his chums (please clap) at their high-tech ocean laboratory. Suddenly the film blossoms into an endearingly silly slasher movie, complete with ludicrous jump scares. (As it turns out, the biggest shark that ever lived is surprisingly good at silently sneaking up on its prey.)

Full review at ScreenCrush.

22

I love the shark. She's beautiful. I will name her Meghan with an 'h' and find her a water planet where she can swim eternally and happily and no one can hurt her. She will have periodic food-breaks where I teleport people I vehemently despise into the depths of the water with nothing but a life preserver and a copy of Jaws in their hands as a sacrificial totem. Meghan will be pleased as she gobbles.

Keep the movie.

70% of this movie is boring deep sea rescue operations UGHGHGH WHY CAN’T YOU JUST EMBRACE HOW DUMB YOU ARE

Why can’t all sharks be as nice as Bruce from Finding Nemo? Ever heard of ‘fish are friends, not food’??

Guys, this is my Infinity War, I'll probably see this thing 11 or 12 times in theaters. An ode to B-movies, shark movies, and action movies of yesteryear. It's really fucking dumb and I wouldn't want it any other way. Dark waters are scary, and somehow this movie manages to hit jokes, and dread perfectly. Uses real 3D shit flying at the screen moments, and I couldn't stop smiling.

Der beste Gag: am Ende hat jemand „FIN“ geschrieben! FIN, versteht ihr?? Weil Flosse! Das ist komisch...also irgendwo für irgendwen vielleicht. Viel witziger ist da nur, dass hier sonst gar nichts witzig, spannend oder clever erdacht ist. „The Meg“ funktioniert höchstens für all die, die vorher dachten „Gott, wird das scheiße“ und hinterher glücklich sind, dass es ja doch nur halb so schlimm war. Weil ein paar Szenen durchaus unterhaltsam sind. Aber das ist ein Besuch im Aquarium auch. Und da sind die Haie nicht so mäßig animiert.

this is actually high camp

Sometimes I dont know why I do this to myself.

Trust Jason Statham to get into a fist fight with a prehistoric shark.

the movie wasn’t scary but the thought of it eating me is scary

Very fun, but also exactly what you would expect from a big budget shark movie with Jason Statham

Needed more Bubble Boy

fun as fuck, big budget great visuals plot is stupid but who cares bc giant shark

Solid, if unspectacular blockbuster action. A standard Jason Statham performance in a standard Jason Statham film, with just enough humour, tenseness and emotion to take it into the OK category.

Chinos y mujeres en una base submarina. La lían. Sueltan un macrotiburón por gilipollas. No saben qué hacer.
Ah sí, llamar al héroe americano y heteronormativo estándar pa que se cargue al puto monstruo, obvio. Y para que se lie con el love interest de turno después de salvarla 564 del puto tiburoncito.
5/5 x originalidad.

sometimes you need dumb fun. statham always delivers!

A mega (see what I did there) amount of bullshit and cheesy lines in this film, but it did what it said on the tin. It’s a Jason Statham film about a giant shark. What more would you expect?

The way I predicted the first 3 deaths based solely off of the fact that they were all POC characters is incredible... woke film of the century.