John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City

John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City ★★★★★

me : my watchlist is so full !!! there’s so many films i’ve yet to experie-

also me : well , thank ya for askin’. i used the bittenbinder method. when i saw the perp approachin’ , i chewed up a tab of alka-seltzer i carry with me at all times. this created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like i had rabies. now i’ve thrown him off his rhythm. then i reach into his jacket pocket where i had planted a gram of coke and i went , ‘whoa! what the fuck is this?’ and he goes , ‘that’s not mine. i never seen that before.’ i go , ‘boo-hoo , it’s in your jacket. you’re doing two to ten and your kids are going into social services.’ now he’s cryin’! then i grab a telephone book and i beat him on the torso with it. ‘cause as any chicago cop will tell ya , a phone book doesn’t leave bruises.

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