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  • Volver

    Volver

    ★★★★½

    The cleanest and most colourful film you'll ever get involving murder, incest, adultery, cancer and possible paranormal activity.

  • Kidnap

    Kidnap

    ★★½

    Fuck, this film was stupid. But it was entertainingly so. And by the way, the car is green! You don't need to write it down to remember. It's GREEN!

    And also, why didn't she take the gun? Why didn't she rear end the kidnapper in the first place? Why drive recklessly to get the cops attention? Where did the dog go?!

    But asking questions like that will potentially give one an aneurysm. It was funny to point them out though. And Berry's commitment to the so-called material just makes it funnier.

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  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    ★★

    A jar of piss is used as a plot point. That's all you need to know about how I felt about this film.

  • The Great Wall

    The Great Wall

    ★★½

    With the splendorous vistas, over-explanatory dialogue, the bad accents, the lack of logic, the pitiful ADR, the striking POWER RANGERS-like costumes, the brave/crazy-as-fuck female warriors and Matt Damon's man-bun, THE GREAT WALL is clearly the greatest film ever made.