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  • Pacific Rim: Uprising

    Pacific Rim: Uprising

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Overall score? You killed it
    Watched with MoviePass? Yes
    Would I recommend to anyone? People who say "Turn your brain off"

    I don't even want to write anything. This movie makes me angry. Even with the mind-set going in that this is cheesy non-sense meant to please the brain-dead movie-going public, it fails to generate any sense that it understands what it wants to be and it's responsibility to respect it's predecessor. Call me exaggerating, but Pacific Rim: Uprising is…

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Overall score? Please stop, I mean it
    Watched with MoviePass? Yes
    Would I recommend to anyone? No

    You know, on my drives home from the theater, I listen to music from other movies I actually like. Further extenuates how much I fucking hated the new movie I just had to suffer through. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is everything I hate about it's predecessor and more. It's another case study to be added to "The death of the blockbusters" book I'm…

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  • Pokémon: Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon: Detective Pikachu

    The Pokémon Company: Let's put out another Pokémon movie, but how should we do it?
    Employee: I've got it! Make it live-action.
    The Pokémon Company: Sounds jarring and expensive, but okay.
    Employee: Then cast Ryan Reynolds as the voice of Pikachu.
    The Pokémon Company: Even more jarring, but let's go with it.
    Employee: Now make the token millennial black kid from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom the main character.
    The Pokémon Company: Ah, we hear he was great in that. Excellent…

  • The Lords of Salem

    The Lords of Salem

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "When Lords ends, I want people to feel like they just went through a nightmare. I want them to say, "I think I just went through an actual nightmare, and I'm still trying to sort it out," as opposed to a movie where they can easily explain what happens to Heidi and it's all wrapped up nicely for them and they can walk out of the theater thinking, OK, everything got wrapped up perfectly for me. The movie makes sense,…

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