Joshua Allen

Joshua Allen

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my favorite movie is any movie about one crazy night

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  • The Conjuring 2

    The Conjuring 2

    The best part of this movie goes something like:

    RUDE SKEPTIC FRANKA POTENTE: hmm sometimes i don't know which is worse, the demons or the people preying on people's fear of demons

    VERA FARMIGA: uh i think the fucken DEMONS are worse

  • The Shape of Water

    The Shape of Water

    Welp I think I'm done with movies. We had a good run, movies, but you need to have some time to yourself and really think about what you're doing with your life. Meanwhile I'll just sit here and look at nothing which I predict will clean up at the Oscars this year.

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  • National Treasure

    National Treasure

    This movie reminded me that I love any movie with a torch. You're only walking around with a torch if you're in a cave or a tomb or a dungeon or a subterranean chamber of mystery and those are all great locations to be in. Look at the poster for National Treasure 2—the torch is bigger than Nicolas Cage's head! They know who the real star is.

  • Jack Reacher

    Jack Reacher

    ME: i wonder who the main bad guy is, the one who's so scary the low level goon can't even look at him

    WERNER HERZOG: hi everyone it's meeee

    ME: [jumps off sofa, blasts airhorn]