The Witch ½

First off all – and to get it right out of the way – there's no doubt: this movie features probably the worst death scene in the history of cinema. The child starring in it deserves a lot of credit for sure but not all the blame. Brutal.

Then subsequently I have to admit: I don't care for movies that in the end turn into occult films. That is my main issue with the otherwise glorious The House of the Devil and those final ten minutes of The VVitch didn't really do it for me either (granted, said scene didn't worsen my already horrible viewing experience, yet it didn't help it) . Also I have a hard time watching films with overbearing Christian themes since I find religion and its believers... let's say quite exhausting in nature. So all that Christian gobbledygook was pretty pesky.

That being said I still think my main issue with The VVitch is the fact that when all is said and done it's simply pretentious arthouse crap. Basically a gimmick film, with the director embedding Old English tongue into his movie trying to impress the audience. It's Boyhood all over again. Like the latter was an alleged masterpiece solely because the makers used the same shitty child actor for 12 years, The VVitch uses his pseudo-authenticity to make itself stand out. Have the actors speak "normal" English – no one would even talk about this film.

It didn't help that the director probably cast friends and/or family for the roles, too. I doubt any of them are real actors since they're all horrible at what they're doing. The small children especially but the parents aren't anywhere near good either. Same could be said about the story which is basically non-existent beyond the ridiculous look at Christian beliefs. Family is outcast, lacks food and as a consequence turns onto each other due to the fact that they're bonkers i.e. Christians. My favorite thing about the film was that it is "only" 90 minutes long.

When it comes to The VVitch I stick to Public Enemy who once sang: “We don't need it do we? It's fake that's what it be to 'ya, dig me? Don't believe the hype...”.

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