Love, Simon

Love, Simon ★★★★★

So here’s the thing: I’m bi. I’ve never said that out loud, never even typed it. I’m out to absolutely nobody. Except, I guess, anyone who’s reading this now. 

I don’t necessarily believe in fate, but I do believe that sometimes the universe places things in your life exactly when and where you need them. For me, perhaps one of the best examples of that is Love, Simon.

A few things about me: I’m a senior in my final few months of high school. I’ve only recently started coming to terms with my identity (and I’m still not completely there). I live in a super conservative small town. I know a grand total of two out people. I’m a terrible driver, my favorite color is purple, I have the biggest sweet tooth ever, and, like Simon, I’ve been holding my breath for as long as I can remember.

But, unlike Simon, I haven’t exhaled yet. I still don’t know when or where or how or if that will happen. For so long, I’ve felt like there’s been something bubbling in my chest. Sometimes it’s subdued, and I can wash it down with beer, or liquor, or water even, on a good day. But most of the time, it’s intense- all consuming, really. It’s like a ringing in my ear that I’ve never gotten used to. It’s the thing that keeps me from crossing that line into actually living in a moment. 

But I want to cross the line. I want the bubbling to stop. I want to exhale. I want to live my life unapologetically and wholly as myself so badly, I can’t stand it.

And the point of all of this is that Love, Simon made me think that maybe one day I will cross over into living my life instead of watching from the other side of the line. I feel seen. I feel joyous. I feel hopeful. 

So many times I’ve been sat in my room, exactly like I am now, with my family downstairs, thinking “nothing is stopping me from telling them right now.” And now, more than ever, I think that one day I’ll actually get up and do exactly that. Maybe I won’t start with them, though. Maybe it’ll be a friend, or a stranger. Then again, I’ve kind of already started by writing this, huh? 

If you read this whole thing, bless you, but if you didn’t- tldr; I’m bi, I half believe in fate, and I’m really fucking grateful for stories that move you.

Love, Cassie

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