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  • War for the Planet of the Apes

    War for the Planet of the Apes

    ★★★★

    A slight step down from Dawn but still a fantastic film in its own right.

    What's missing here is the layering of heroes and villains that made Dawn so captivating. There was a great ape hero, a great ape villain, a great human hero, a great human villain, and all of their motivations made perfect sense. This movie is more about one ape vs. one human, and the movie feels smaller because of it - especially for being the conclusion…

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Buckle up. This may be long-winded.

    As early as the very first scene, I knew something was wrong. Hell - as early as the first words in the opening title crawl. The First Order reigns. Um…since when? When the fuck did that happen? I saw The Force Awakens three times and I seem to recall the First Order getting their ass kicked super-easily at every turn. This film takes place almost immediately after the last one, so when exactly did…

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  • The Dark Knight Rises

    The Dark Knight Rises

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    He did it. He actually did it.

    I cannot believe I'm even typing this, but it's true...

    Christopher Nolan successfully crammed 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag.

    Didn't even think it was possible!

    Is every citizen of Gotham City a fucking idiot? Let me count the ways...

    The first example goes all the way back to Batman Begins, when Bruce Wayne disappears for something like 8 years, then comes back one day without anybody asking where he…

  • The Godfather

    The Godfather

    ★★★★★

    I don't trust anyone who dislikes this movie.