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  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★★

    EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    This is the best you can do? This mediocre, comedy action thriller that is a tonal catastrophe and most definitely not a horror film and has no actual character development beyond Laurie Strode and no atmosphere at all and is never scary and seldom surprising but the only surprises are weird and pointless and the entire throughline happens by pure coincidence and ultimately amounts to basically nothing after wasting an hour with meaningless gore porn and shitty jokes because there is really nothing going on here?

    What a pile of shit.

  • The Howling

    The Howling

    ★★★½

    Old-fashioned is a good way to describe this movie, but it's not old-fashioned in a good way.

    The look, the music, some of the acting, the cinematography ... none of it feels modern, even in a way that maintains the 1980's aesthetic. The Fog was released one year earlier and still looks and feels and sounds fresh. This better resembles a throwback to 1950's filmmaking. Look at that awful and obvious lighting in the daytime forest scenes. Terrible.

    I don't…

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  • The Godfather

    The Godfather

    ★★★★★

    I don't trust anyone who dislikes this movie.

  • The Dark Knight Rises

    The Dark Knight Rises

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    He did it. He actually did it.

    I cannot believe I'm even typing this, but it's true...

    Christopher Nolan successfully crammed 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag.

    Didn't even think it was possible!

    Is every citizen of Gotham City a fucking idiot? Let me count the ways...

    The first example goes all the way back to Batman Begins, when Bruce Wayne disappears for something like 8 years, then comes back one day without anybody asking where he…