• Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    ★★½

    I don't know how I feel about this. I don't know if you *can* feel about this. The Chip 'n Dale movie is...impressively deranged. I don't know how it exists. If you told me a year ago that there would be a Chip 'n Dale reboot about drug-addicted, washed-up, surgically-altered movie stars that occasionally approached BoJack Horseman levels of Hollywood bleakness...well, I don't know how I would've reacted, but I'm sure it would've been interesting. It's bizarre, surreal, and kind…

  • Memento

    Memento

    ★★★★

    I admire the...clockwork precision, for lack of a better description, of Memento. It's a gripping thriller, and I love that it manages to be unpredictable despite literally giving you the ending in the opening shot. It's a great exercise in context totally reshaping an apparently simple thing. At the same time, part of me thinks the amount of work Memento asks you to do doesn't result in any sort of deeper appreciation of things; it's just necessary to keep track.…

  • Licorice Pizza

    Licorice Pizza

    ★★★★

    I want a spin-off movie about Bradley Cooper's character, but directed by, like...the Coen Brothers, in Big Lebowski mode.

  • Parallel Mothers

    Parallel Mothers

    ★★★★

    I don't even know what genre you'd call this. I keep referring to it as a "social thriller," is that a thing? Parallel Mothers can easily position itself as drama because everything that happens in it has happened to *someone*, it just hasn't all happened to one person. It's like a...prestige soap opera, several one-in-a-million possibilities piling up until you just go with the flow of it, accept its heightened-ness for what it is. Familial twists, forbidden relationships, melodrama. I love it.

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun

    A two-hour exercise in everything I don't like about bad '80s movies. Going to consider it a personal moral defeat if Top Gun: Maverick is as good as everyone says.

  • Senior Year

    Senior Year

    I can't tell you how long it's been since I've bailed on a first viewing of a new-release movie because I genuinely do not remember. Well in excess of a decade. I made it through 45 minutes of this. I'm not sure the people who made this were alive in any decade of human history; I would think it'd be impossible to "how do you do, fellow kids" a high school movie set twenty years ago, but Senior Year finds…

  • Uncharted

    Uncharted

    ★★½

    I think it's kind of funny that they were trying to make this for so long that the guy they wanted to be the lead had to be the crusty mentor instead.

    And like most movies that languish in development hell the way this did, it ultimately feels like instead of solving the problems that kept it there, they just decided to live with them and use the IP for SOMETHING, even if it's flat and gray and forgettable. Call…

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    ★★★

    I thought a second viewing would clarify my feelings for me, but it didn't really. I still hate some parts of this and love other parts.

    The visuals are still probably the worst part, but an underrated terrible thing is the jokes. Not sure they've ever been this bad. Just a relentless barrage of "we are being irreverent in the middle of serious events lol."

    Rating holds at three stars because reasons.

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    ★★★★

    I hate being the guy to go to bat for the corporate product, but uh, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is Good, Actually, and also I think maybe one of the best Marvel movies? Oops.

    I doubt it heralds any kind of sea change for Marvel, but I'd be (a little) less anxious about Disney's industry dominance if everything in the MCU was like it. I understand why directors aren't just cut loose on something like this —…

  • Jackass: The Movie

    Jackass: The Movie

    yeah, this is uhhhhh....not for me

    would it be a funny bit if i watched all of these anyway? smash that like button if it would be a funny bit if i watched all of these anyway.

  • Moonfall

    Moonfall

    ★½

    You see, Roland Emmerich understands that you've always gotta go bigger with disaster movies, which is why this one contains not one but TWO divorced families taking advantage of the apocalypse to resolve their shit.

  • Independence Day: Resurgence

    Independence Day: Resurgence

    ★★

    Watching Independence Day inspired me to watch Independence Day: Resurgence, which, uh...yeah, that's gonna mark the end of this period of being inspired to watch things.