• Blade

    Blade

    ★★★½

    This brought vampires out of the stuffy baroque era and into the 21st century where they really belong.

  • Nobody

    Nobody

    ★★

    Kinda just John Wick but with extra steps?

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once

    ★★★★★

    Total fucking Bedlam. A must see in theaters. My heart is still racing after seeing this maddening inter dimensional king fu masterpiece.

  • Old

    Old

    It’s staggering how dumb this is.

  • Greyhound

    Greyhound

    ★★★½

    This historical war drama doesn’t offer much in story but captures the small details in an incredibly tense naval battle. Tom Hanks is suited for this role as he’s ever been.

  • Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    ★★★½

    Have never been so mortally afraid of a Gumby.

  • Moonfall

    Moonfall

    ★½

    I did a few bumps of coke from a biker dude at a bar once. I later determined it was not coke. 
    This movie is a lot like that biker I had met. Full of shitty stories fueled by meth.

  • The Meg

    The Meg

    ★★

    nuh uh, you did not see a The Meg


    Not gruesome enough tbh. Very lacking in grue.

  • The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

    The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

    ★★★½

    Look, it’s a spy thriller directed by Guy Ritchie. I’m getting exactly what I wanted–
    ✅ split screen montage sequence
    ✅ some bad accents
    ✅ i thought i heard flutes in one of the transitions

    It’s kind of splitting the difference between James Bond and Austin Powers but like 1000% more handsomer. I could certainly do another one of these.

  • The Empty Man

    The Empty Man

    ★★★

    The first rule of Spook Club is, you talk in a weird whisper monotone. The other rules of Spook Club are just weird. Seriously, don’t talk about em. 

    I’m impressed that we get a fresh take on a haunted specter thing that doesn’t rely on the usual occult tropes and invents some kind of new cult lore. If it ever started to feel stale or confusing, you get a weird fucking curveball to keep you on your toes. 
    I wasn’t…

  • Mr. Jones

    Mr. Jones

    ★★★½

    Russian history just keeps getting worse the closer you read into it.

  • Dune

    Dune

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The sandworms grow to 400 meters and the desert tree things have roots that grow 400 feet down. 
    The battle between imperial and metric rages on into sci-fi fantasy world.