Cats ½

Dear Mother,

By the time you're reading this review, I'll probably be dead. You'll find my lifeless corpse sitting on the couch in front of the television surrounded by a mountain of tissues and painfully awful music emerging from the speakers. The reason for my untimely death will be due to the fact that I finally decided to watch the movie Cats (2019). I failed to heed the warning of those before me, but I had to witness it with my own eyes. Shortly after the movie began, I realized it was a mistake. Seeing Rebel Wilson stroke her furry thighs, hearing the word "Jellicle" pierce into my mind over and over again, and watching human-cat hybrids nuzzle each other throughout the film hurt my already weakened heart. I won't be surprised if my eyes and ears had actually started to bleed after seeing such terrifying imagery. Mother, if you have managed to read this far down...please...turn the television off before you are exposed to the onslaught of horrific effects and emotionless musical numbers that already ended my existence. It took me too long to realize God has forsaken us and left us to suffer with "cinema" such as this. AND PLEASE...FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT FORGET THAT A CAT IS NOT A DOG. THE MOMENT YOU FORGET IS WHEN THEY WILL FIND YOU...PLEASE!!! DON'T LET THE JELLICLES FIND YOU!!!!

Block or Report

alex liked these reviews