Five Nights at Freddy's

Five Nights at Freddy's

This movie had me laughing significantly more than I would have liked, but it certainly wasn’t WITH the movie. It was entirely AT the movie and it’s absurdly idiotic decision making process. A movie filled with incompetence and uninspired crap, never knowing if it wants to cater strictly to those who are familiar with the game or be accessible to all. Worst of all, very much NEVER knowing if it wants to take itself seriously as a horror film or take the route of campiness as a Five Nights at Freddy’s film. This just led to such an unpleasant tonal mess that turned this film into a chore and a headache. I think the most offensive part about this adaptation is its lack of anything fun or even remotely scary. It’s a Five Nights At Freddy’s film… at the very least, be fun. A screenplay, I fear, could’ve been written by any casual player of the game, riddled with zero creativity, bland exchanges, and lackluster character writing. It feels as generic as they could’ve possibly made it with no care about anyones viewing experience or what we would take away from the film. A film whose sole purpose is so some people can cross “Five Nights At Freddy’s” off their big list of IPs they wanna turn into movies. Literally an insulting piece of media. An entire production dedicated to boring audiences around the world. 

There’s no necessary shock to this review or my reaction coming out of the film. I’m very open about my disdain towards the video game to film adaptation sub-genre. The Super Mario Bros Movie proves to be the best of the bunch but even that just slightly leans to the above average side. The Sonic films are nonsensical crap catering to short attention span 6 year olds. Just about everyone in the production of those films phones it in for a few bucks. I very frequently state my hatred towards them. Uncharted, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, the list of shit goes on and on, unfortunately. 

I had, for some unprovoked reason, higher hopes for this Five Nights At Freddy’s adaptation. Perhaps it was the horror escape in a video game film I needed. Or perhaps it was my average experience with Willy’s Wonderland that gave me confidence in the filmmakers ability to expand on that film narratively and adapt this story a bit better. I was clearly mistaken. If you want a Five Nights At Freddy’s loose adaptation, just watch Willy’s Wonderland. Its not great but, at the very least, its something this movie absolutely failed to be… fun (and it has Nicholas Cage).

The only reason this isn’t getting a 0.5/5 is because the animatronics were cool.

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