The Case for Christmas ★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

#7 in Christmas, a love/hate relationship List

A courtroom drama? Consider me interested. But it turns out that Miracle on 34th Street was better. I have a feeling that people were as irritated with God is not Dead as I was with this movie. The entire courtroom scenes are ridiculous, and has ridiculous moments and ridiculous arguments. They've also made courtroom dramas with suing Satan and suing God. What's next, suing the Easter Bunny? What would they sue the bunny for, not laying eggs? For raping cats? I don't know, but it would probably be more amusing than this movie.

Dean Cain, the only memorable thing I can think of that you ever did was that Superman show. He's like the C movie king.

The guy who plays Santa Clause in this isn't half bad, but there are moments where he gives this look, this look like he belongs in a serial killer movie. I'm serious, the way he shapes his brow and eyebrows, it's like he's ready to lose it and go "The Night Santa Went Crazy" on everyone. Which again would be a more interesting movie.

The one moment where the film looks like it might get interesting is when the prosecutor reveals to Santa's lawyer that he was in a mental asylum at one point. The conversation got interesting. And the movie would have been slightly more thought provoking if not for the fact that it already proved to us viewers that this guy really is Santa, that he can magically teleport, and stuff. That's the main advantage Miracle on 34th Street has over this movie, they leave the possibility open that Kris Kringle may just be an ordinary holly jolly man who is slightly off his rockers.

That being said, the movie does have a few so-bad-it's-good moments. Not very many, but a few are there. For example, Santa built a device that calculates how much "faith" people still have in him. Every single time we see this machine, and it is shown several times, the belief rate is dropping by 0.1% every split second. This movie should've been over within the first 5 minutes. Not to mention they never really did anything in the courtroom to alter the rate of those statistics, considering it was never a national thing.

And that fucking elf. Santa's little helper. I don't think I've ever seeing a more unhelpful lazy couch potato sack of shit in my life. He never does anything but complain, have a pompous attitude, and eat.

The only thing more annoying than the elf is Dean Cain's girlfriend, who seems more than willing to believe that the old man is Santa, and her blind faith and cheerfulness about the situation drives me fucking nuts, as does her arguments for the guy. What the fuck is up with Hallmark and cheerful women?

Lastly, the movie ends on a big WTF moment. Dean Cain's little girl gets a Christmas present of fairy wings, that she can strap onto her back. You know, the kind you could probably find at Walmart or Target, either during the Christmas or Halloween season. Up until this moment, the only supernatural elements involved Santa and his elves teleporting from location to location. Then the fairy wings begin to flap, and she begins to fly.

The only other thing that made me go WTF is finding out that two years later, they made the same movie with the same fucking actor (Dean Cain) in a Santa courtroom movie for the Hallmark Channel. Those bastards.

I'm not sure if I can keep doing this. I can't fully hate these movies, but I don't like watching them either. They have good intentions, but they suck. It's getting more and more difficult to get through them, at least while I'm sober.

List rating: dislike.