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  • Warm Bodies

    Warm Bodies

    ★★★

    I just watched a Twilight knockoff exclusively because the lead is a cute goth guy. I have no regrets.

  • Is the Man Who Is Tall Happy?

    Is the Man Who Is Tall Happy?

    ★★★

    I'm not trying to insult the intelligence or artistry of anyone involved in this movie, but Noam's gentle voice, Michel's often-looping animations, and the (until the last twenty minutes) low-stakes subject matter make this film the perfect sleep aid. It took me more than two weeks to finish because I'd put it on and within less than five minutes I'd be out like a light.

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  • Speed Racer

    Speed Racer

    ★★★★★

    Y'know that bit at the end of 2001 where the guy is watching all the trippy visuals and he's almost seizing in his suit? For two hours and fifteen minutes, I was that guy.

    There are so many points of comparison to be made - the works of Quentin Tarantino, Sharkboy And Lavagirl, Epic Rap Battles Of History. This film is all of them and more.

    I can't imagine what it must have been like to see this movie in…

  • Zoom

    Zoom

    ★★

    Important things to note about this movie:
    - the opening scene is Tim Allen making his finger vibrate and sticking it in a glass of soda
    - the boy's power is literally to inflate his body, like what deviantart level trash is this
    - Tim Allen's performance seems to be crappily ripping off RDJ's "Iron Man", but that came out two years after this, so what gives
    - there's no real conflict for the first hour
    - there are like…