Carpenter and King, individually undisputed horror legends, cancel each other out with this slick bore about an evil car. Above the board directorial competency keeps things moving, but it's never, not for one second, particularly compelling nor suspenseful. CHRISTINE might be a "better" movie than King's own directorial stab at evil car material (MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE), but it's somehow a more difficult watch, being so much more reserved and earnest than OVERDRIVE's goofy coke-fueled schlock.

Needs, uhh, music?

Exploding Dirt: The Motion Picture.

Based on a joke that no one wanted to see ("What if Bloodrayne was fat?") comes another amateur-hour Uwe Boll film. It's sub-Friedberg & Seltzer parody, complete with black face and a sympathetic Hitler (played by Boll himself). You've been warned...