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  • 2001: A Space Odyssey

    2001: A Space Odyssey

    ★★★★★

    Watch Stanley Kubrick's 1968 cinematic masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey, they said. It'll be fun, they said. I can't get it off the ceiling. It keeps skittering up my walls, hissing "o b e l i sskkkskskksskkkskskks" at me. And... whenever it stares me in the eyes, I hear gregorian chanting...?

    Atmospheric horror is a genre, I'm slowly realizing, that really knows how to undo me. Anyway, if you know how to get Stanley Kubrick's 1968 cinematic masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey off of my ceiling, let me know. It's looming over my bed. I'm afraid.

  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★★★★

    💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 ✨

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  • Cool World

    Cool World

    Utterly incomprehensible.

  • So I Married an Axe Murderer

    So I Married an Axe Murderer

    ½

    Mike Myers does his best with a stale and unimaginative script. The soundtrack is the singular most 90s thing I’ve ever heard, while the dialogue is the worst writing I’ve ever heard in a film. Every single line feels forced. I cannot explain how much I hated every line in this movie. Twilight has more inventive dialogue.

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  • Drive

    Drive

    ★★★★★

    I loved this movie right out of the gate — Ryan Gosling, standing in a dimly-lit and deathly silent motel room, having a muted conversation with someone unidentifiable over a burner phone.

    Immediately you know two things:  First, this character is masterfully careful, approaching his craft like a painter approaches a canvas. Each stroke has purpose, each movement must be defined.  Second, this movie is going to take you by the hand, leading you silently through back alleys, until you…

  • The Florida Project

    The Florida Project

    ★★★★★

    "I can always tell when adults are about to cry."

    It's hard for me to express the depth of nostalgia that washed over me, watching The Florida Project.

    I may not have grown up in Florida, but I have enough in common with the plot that my heart twinged nonstop. My mother was a single parent, far from clean-cut, and she often took me to work with her at a motel that looked very similar to the purple place. Granted,…