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goodhunterabbie has written 15 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 20 Feb 2022

    Straight alt-right propaganda, a dream world whose string of homicides begin with a Black man killing a white woman by failing to understand that her Confederate flag is heritage, not hate. If this were going to be seen by anyone past opening weekend it would be evil, but instead it's just deeply, insultingly stupid. Traumatic backstories are checked off like so much paperwork, our villain is an immortal automaton capable of absorbing shotgun blasts, and the most nuanced understanding of…

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills 2021

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 20 Oct 2021 1

    Dear Evan Hansen is no longer the worst film of 2021.

  • The Danish Girl

    The Danish Girl 2015

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 14 Feb 2021

    OHHHHHHHH it ends with a scarf flying away because scarves are fragile and feminine and it's a METAPHOR see I'm gonna [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

  • Malcolm & Marie

    Malcolm & Marie 2021

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 06 Feb 2021

    "Digital vs. film, none of this shit matters!" then uh why'd you give Kodak their own title card Sam

  • Fantastic Four

    Fantastic Four 2015

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 01 Aug 2020

    This was not voluntary.

  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad 2016

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 27 Jan 2020

    "I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I'm naked in the dark. There's nothing—no veil between me and the wheel of fire!"

    We've roamed this planet too long.

    [Watched in preparation for Birds of Prey.]

  • Charlie's Angels

    Charlie's Angels 2019

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 17 Nov 2019

    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was warping feminism into brand material.

    In awe of how cursed this is. Not an ounce of filmmaking talent on display, but it literally ends on the revelation that RBG is an angel which I guess is supposed to make it an uncriticizable yas-queen powerhouse. At least K-Stew got paid.

  • The Trump Prophecy

    The Trump Prophecy 2018

    ½ Added by goodhunterabbie

    First Reformed: "Who are you?"

    The Trump Prophecy: "I'm you but stronger in every possible way."

  • Waves

    Waves 2019

    ½ Watched by goodhunterabbie 26 Oct 2019

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Waves: the movie that dares to ask the question, "What if the kid who brutally murders his pregnant ex-girlfriend is the REAL victim?!"

    Despised this. Plays like a parody of A24's style—slathered in neon, packed end to end with obnoxious needle drops, camera constantly bobbing and rotating without purpose, no fewer than SEVEN aspect ratio changes. And then there's the story, which is overwrought to near comedy—the highlight might be a climactic argument via text messages that plays out in real time exactly the way you'd expect, right down to an autocorrected "DUCKING." Bad, bad, bad.

  • Deadfall

    Deadfall 1993

    ½ Added by goodhunterabbie

    The sex montage in this movie > all the sex montages in The Room combined.

  • The Dark Tower

    The Dark Tower 2017

    ½ Added by goodhunterabbie

    "You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast 2017

    ½ Added by goodhunterabbie 3

    There's a separate grammar to movie musicals than there is to stage musicals—at least, there is to the type of movie musical that Disney makes. Classic stage musicals are pervaded with song. Many of them are almost/entirely sung-through—Les Miserables, Sweeney Todd, The Phantom of the Opera, etc.—and even those that aren't will have musical numbers peppered liberally throughout their runtime. In this type of musical, songs are the default mode of expression—not every song will be as important as every…