goodhunterabbie has written 5 reviews for films rated ½ during 2017.

  • Deadfall


    The sex montage in this movie > all the sex montages in The Room combined.

  • The Dark Tower

    The Dark Tower

    "You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast

    There's a separate grammar to movie musicals than there is to stage musicals—at least, there is to the type of movie musical that Disney makes. Classic stage musicals are pervaded with song. Many of them are almost/entirely sung-through—Les Miserables, Sweeney Todd, The Phantom of the Opera, etc.—and even those that aren't will have musical numbers peppered liberally throughout their runtime. In this type of musical, songs are the default mode of expression—not every song will be as important as every…

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast

    Rant to come; for now suffice it to say this is the most aggressively useless movie ever made.

  • Alice in Wonderland

    Alice in Wonderland

    You know what the worst thing in the world is? When people who have never actually read Alice in Wonderland take a nauseatingly saccharine quote from this abortion of a movie and attribute it to Lewis Carroll. Or when people who have never read Les Mis take lyrics from the musical and attribute them to Victor Hugo. You people are everything that is wrong with humanity and you will die too uninformed to realize how blitheringly stupid you are. And I will take some embarrassing quote from the Internet and misattribute it to you as your epitaph.