goodhunterabbie has written 12 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Last Night in Soho

    Last Night in Soho

    A simpering, Oh So Relevant mix of gutless and self-congratulatory that has next to no artistic merit—incredible that something so thuddingly devoted to its predecessors could possess not even the barest shred of their craft—and whose every attempt at sympathy curdles into patronizing nothing. Ostensibly about the traumatic weight of misogyny but sure does hate college-age girls—not an ounce of the vengeful victim's anger on display here feels like anything real, just a screenplay dutifully regurgitating talking points in hopes…

  • Repo! The Genetic Opera

    Repo! The Genetic Opera

    Theater kids and nu-metal kids should not under any circumstances be allowed to intermingle. That said, Darren Lynn Bousman is my perfect baby boy.

  • Willy's Wonderland

    Willy's Wonderland

    Incompetent and witless, trusting the premise and its lead to shoot it to cult status without putting in any work to get there. Couple of the kills would be fairly entertaining if the action weren't cut to shit, and there's a compelling sort of dream logic to a silent Cage continuing to clean and play pinball in between bouts of animatronic gore--a dream logic that's unfortunately dispelled by the gang of how-do-you-do-fellow-kids who show up to serve as fodder. That and a wide aspect ratio don't cinema make, alas

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    A hugely disappointing step back from the spartan, elliptical rhythms of Dunkirk, and not only that but a complete reversion (or INVERSION) of Nolan's hitherto reliably engaging, straightforward exposition. The man who made the first hour of Inception a consistently FUN sequence of infodumps is nowhere to be seen, replaced by an algorithm spitting out data points for its own self-satisfaction. No characters, just puppets for limp action setpieces whose stakes are willfully obscured; no spectacle, just big things happening in front of a camera. Dire.

  • Cannibal Holocaust

    Cannibal Holocaust

    Any moral or ideological point this film attempts to make is negated by its own existence.

    The wanton slaughter of live animals is the most visceral of the hypocrisies on display here, but it's far from the only one. Actors were coerced into sex scenes they didn't wish to perform, and by their own account suffered lasting psychological damage. Native extras were held inside a burning hut and then paid nothing. Cannibal Holocaust looks at these acts committed in its…

  • Gremlins

    Gremlins

    Apart from anything else, the mindmelting AUDACITY of the bad taste required for Spielberg and Dante to prominently feature a poster for their Twilight Zone movie in the main character's room, the year after it fucking killed Vic Morrow and two children, is... something

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    People will say this is a slow-burn with timely themes when it's really just a completely self-serious, monochrome bore that plods on for 150 minutes (!) and tries to connect the ridiculous campiness of the original with Big Themes of the Holocaust and guilt and it's just fucking insufferable. It's a "prestige" horror movie that's embarrassed to be a horror movie. I'm not even a huge fan of the original, but Argento knew EXACTLY what he was making and just…

  • Blair Witch

    Blair Witch

    "Wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you)."

    This forty-year-old Douglas Adams joke is literally the climax of the movie and I fucking can't.

  • Blair Witch

    Blair Witch

    *sigh* Fine. Sure. Just not again, please?

  • The Ruins

    The Ruins

    It's like someone had the idea, "Hey guys! What if we did The Descent but made it shitty?"

  • [REC]²

    [REC]²

    Welp. This takes everything that was great about the first one and pisses it down the drain. (Fortunately, it also doesn't actually change shit, so I can safely erase it from my headcanon.)

  • The Importance of Being Earnest