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  • Under Siege

    Under Siege

    ★½

    Calling this Die Hard on a boat would besmirch the awesome name of Die Hard. Die Hard is not just a location, it is structure, characters, and stunts. Permeated with charisma. It is not Under Siege.

  • Cobra

    Cobra

    ★★★★

    Minus a star for fascism.

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  • Legionnaire

    Legionnaire

    ★★★★

    Jeane-Claude plays Commander Matt. Learns about brotherhood. Sad harmonica plays.

  • Scream for Help

    Scream for Help

    ★★½

    Weirdly ultra-dramatic score over work-training-video-level acting. Stay for the closing credits song "Talking To My Christy".