Clash of the Titans

Big names! Pete Postelthwaite, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Mads Mikkelsen. How did they get them to put their faces and names against this inane, banal and shallow frass?

We all know the story of Perseus. We all know the personalities, the events, the divine artefacts he acquires and uses to complete his linear quest. Can't we have a little character development instead of a rote retelling of the ancient legend? Do we really need Jar Jar Binx to resurface as a Djinn to complete the feast of ham and cheese?

The Pegasus was beautifully animated - credit where it's due. But I can't forgive these uninspired muppets for unleashing another tragically camp piece of wank that further condemns the genre of epic fantasy to the bottom of the bargain bin flotsam.

Pete Jackson fought very hard to try to drag this genre out of the dank bedroom of the greater-spotted adolescent dungeon master. We almost had some momentum going.

This film has set The Cause back by 20 years. Only Game of Thrones can save us now.

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