Venom ★½

Venom is the clear-cut example of a movie that was made to waste your time. Need another testimony? This was also—remember this is just my unadulterated perspective—worse than Suicide Squad. Yah, ouch. In my humble opinion, this parched and faded attempt at introducing a comic-book icon is, no ifs ands or buts, as atrocious as critics are making it out to sound like.

Positives: So, as always when I review a movie I did not entirely "favor," let's go over the pros for the movie first. Umm...Eddie Brock and Venom’s chemistry (exclusively in the 2nd act—it gets super nonsensical towards the climax) was wholly enjoyable to observe. And...I guess...Tom Hardy tried? Let’s see...anything else? Well...the opening shot was pretty dope not gonna lie. Hmm... Oh yeah! That "p****" joke Venom makes was legitimentally hilarious. I got a solid chuckle out of that scene. IS THAT IT EVAN? Ummm...yeah. Sorry champ. That's it. Real sorry. 

Editing: You know, I bet the action in this movie would be really really freaking badass...if I could actually tell what the f*** was happening. I don’t understand the proposal of utilizing quick cuts, shaky cam, and close-up nonsense. There are some very sketchy editing choices devised through out this entire piece. I simply do not know how this movie passed post-production—probably cause they were short on time; dammit Sony, just give the rights to Venom up. Remember what you did with the Amazing Spider-Man 2? You’re not changing anyone’s minds that you guys are all-mighty worthy to be helming these kinds of movies. Also, once again, about close-up shots, can someone please tell me why in the hell there was so many of them during the action sequences? Who’s idea was it to attempt to make me vomit? I want answers, and I want them now! Pronto!

Continuity: The writers of Venom honestly couldn’t care for making this movie consistent and logical. And I don’t mean realistic logical, just like the basic stuff like minorily explaining or informing the audience how subject A gets to subject C, or why subject F does one decision, or why subject H creates this or that particular "mindset." If what I just said didn’t make any sense to you, well, now you know how this movie made me feel throughout its entirety (also I'm trying to keep this as spoiler-free as possible). So basic stuff filmmakers. The kind of stuff you are required to have in order to craft a cohesive and respectable movie. This movie's storytelling appears awfully lazy and I’m sure that has to do with a decent bundle of the film's footage being removed. 

Pacing: The movie's pacing essentially works like this: When certain elements require clarification and more inserts of analysis to the story, the movie moves at a cheetah's pace. And when the movie gets super unnecessary the movie is slower than a one legged dog on tranquilizers (sorry for that stupid comparison; Forgive me). Convenient, right?

The Boredom...The Agony!: I couldn’t care less about, really, anything. WE COULDNT CARE LESS. Yes, we, sorry. Thanks for clarifying. Nearly nothing in the movie's presented storyline was able to grasp my attention. The film substantially just continuously plays along with zero attempts at beguiling the audience with an engrossing plot that could somehow, clarify it's reason for even existing in the first place.

I guess this is officially the worst anti-superhero movie ever conceived. Not necessarily "the worse comic-book movie ever made" but certainly something among the top top top worst of the batch. Guys, I’m sorry for calling The Predator the worst massive blockbuster of the year—I was too hard on you Mr.Black. Venom without question, takes the cake for that award effortlessly. CONGRATS. Yes, congrats indeed. (Verdict: D)  

There’s a mid-credits scene that sets up a "sequel" in case you were wondering... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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