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  • Hotel Artemis

    Hotel Artemis

    ★★★★

    I like goofy, sci-fi action films, okay? Plus this cast rules.

  • Alita: Battle Angel

    Alita: Battle Angel

    ★★★★

    This flick rules. I had no idea what was going on half the time in terms of plot (who was fighting who, the objective changes every other minute, the rules of the world are sketch at best), but man is it fun. And pretty—amazing digital work. Can't wait to show this to my 9-year-old when he's old enough to see animated cyborgs with a human faces get murdered.

    That end, too. Legit. So ballsy.

    So... Motorballsy?

    ...

    I'll see myself out.

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  • Split

    Split

    ★★★★★

    Throughout the movie:

    "Oh, yea, this is pretty good. Pacing is a little off in parts, but I'm in. I'd give it maybe 3.5 stars, possibly 4 if I'm feeling generous."

    Last 30 seconds:

    "Here, take all the stars. Take them. Just shut up and take them. All the stars ever."

  • You're Next

    You're Next

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I am not really a fan of the whole "intruders kill and torture family" thing. In fact, I'm generally repulsed by it. But this was getting good buzz and the masks are kinda quirky and cool - almost in a "we're trying too hard" kind of way, which made me think the filmmakers might be going a bit less serious with this than other "torture-porn" exercises. And as a fan of general horror, (and being too ill with a killer…