This feels different.
You say, let's not get fast food, let's get something fancier. Let's go somewhere nice for a change. The restaurant has gilded fixtures and nice lightning. The menu has loads of fancy looking dishes with names you've never heard of.
It all looks nice and it's made well but it tastes the same. You wish you'd gotten that fast food hamburger after all.
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Eternals 2021
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Spencer 2021
I was going to rant about how we should all just leave Diana alone but this isn't even about Diana. It starts by stating its a fable but that feels like a justification for doing whatever it feels like.
It's Kristen Stewart, with blonde hair and an accent, wearing her contractually obliged Chanel and doing some serious 'acting' with a jazz soundtrack.
I know, they've made it clear, this is a fairytale. Then why make a movie about Diana at…
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Resident Evil: Retribution 2012
This transcends plot, it has no meaning, no purpose. It's Milla smashing faces and staring at the screen unblinking while pointing guns.
Also my bae, Ada Wong is there.
I'm not sure what else I could have wanted. -
Resident Evil: Afterlife 2010
The beginning of this one is so freaking amazing. This time we're Neo from The Matrix and there's a whole bunch of Milla clones and it's batshit but brilliant. Then we're walking away from a plane crash virtually unscathed and it all gets a bit boring.
Luckily Wentworth Miller is here, he's fit. It's the voice... And the eyes.
I'm grading on a curve so that's why even though it's a truly terrible example of cinema, it's still the best one I've seen of this series. Also, I think spending all day watching them has warped my brain.
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Chaos Walking 2021
This movie had Mads Mikkelsen wandering around in the most pimping fur coat and yet somehow I was bored.
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Godzilla vs. Kong 2021
How much satisfaction can you honestly get out of two humungous CGI beasties punching each other?
It turns out, quite a lot.
