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  • Murder Mystery

    Murder Mystery

    β˜…β˜…Β½

    Adam Sandler's character was actually highly relatable in this, considering he was always hungry and tired.

    I don't think these 🐐s were part of Black Phillip's gang. Trying to kill Jennifer Aniston is too evil even for him.

  • Pacific Rim: Uprising

    Pacific Rim: Uprising

    β˜…

    The only watchable scenes here include Charlie and his character's batshit insane storyline, which could easily happen on Sunny.

    In fact if he had facial hair, I'd have no idea if his scenes are from the movie or an episode of the show.

    BTW I've just watched The Gang Hits the Slopes and that sex scene was hilarious. That 🎷 was very Sterling Archer of him.

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  • The Old Guard

    The Old Guard

    β˜…Β½

    Yet another forgettable Netflix movie that makes me wonder if they are a front for money laundering.

    Great idea wasted on unimaginative screenplay. The really good flashback scene only enhances how they wasted potential by setting the main story in this bland moment in time. But even that doesn’t really work because since Charlize Theron is a woman and women aren't allowed to age, her obviously touched up with plastic surgery face clashes with everything in that flashback so badly.…

  • Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

    Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

    β˜…β˜…Β½

    There's a scene here where naked Daniel Craig opens the door and the maid sees him, screams and runs away.

    That's the least relatable shit I've ever seen.

    Angelina Jolie delivers such a delightful performance and completely embodies Lara Croft. Watching her do ALL OF THAT inspired me to work out again. How is it going, you ask? I'm in so much pain rn.