• Serenity

    Serenity

    Would give this film less than half a star if I could.

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★★

    You can be as snobby as you want but this is as 5-star a movie as 5-star movies get. Looks unlike anything you’ve seen before, hits you with several emotional sucker punches, and is just an utter joy from start to finish. 

    The Stan Lee cameo floored me, it’s one of the most note-perfect 30 seconds ever committed to film.

    Trivia: I was deeply sceptical of this film throughout its development and even after the first trailer, because I’m an idiot.

  • Rampage

    Rampage

    ★★★★

    There’s a giant rat in space, then a gorilla gives the Rock the middle finger, then there’s army men, then there’s shady corporate types, then a wolf eats a helicopter, then Negan’s in it, then a plane crash and parachutes happen, then something crazy with bat sonar being a homing thing, then they’re in the city and the wolf shoots darts from his tail, then the crocodile arrives and eats a plane, then it gets really unbelievable.

    Four stars, would and will watch again.

    Trivia: This is a good bad film.

  • Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok

    ★★★

    So much style, almost too much style, and it would be wrong to say little substance but certainly not enough to justify all the shouting. It’s good and Hulk yay etc, but the funniest thing about this film is the director gave himself all the best lines. This is solidly mid-tier Marvel for me, having seen it a few times now I’m left with the feeling that I wish this film was as good as the two trailers for this film were.

    Trivia: Short hair >>>> Long hair

  • Mamma Mia!

    Mamma Mia!

    I genuinely, non-ironically hated everything about this film from start to finish. Half the actors can’t sing, the other half can’t act, the story is lazy, the characters are all cliches, and setting it in a beautiful location should not be seen as a replacement for a decent DP. Oh and someone tell Brosnan to pick an accent and stick with it.

    I loathed this film and I’m annoyed just thinking about it now. 

    Trivia: This film was successful because people are idiots.

  • Get Santa

    Get Santa

    ★★★★

    As someone who has to watch a lot of terrible Christmas films with the wife and kid, this is a top tier one. Actually funny and charming as all hell we’ll watch this once a year for the rest of our lives. And I don’t mind that one bit.

    Trivia: Home Alone is a bad film. Yeah I said it, I went there.

  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman

    ★★★★½

    Ace. My wife and kid adore this film, and they’re right to. It all just works - the songs, the script, the direction. It’s just a 100 minutes of joy.

    The first ten are an excercise in story telling on film. We learn everything we need to know about Barnum and Charity, their history, their love and their life with an economy a few could do with taking on board. All that and A Million Dreams too. Decent.

    Trivia: Actually you can rewrite the stars and we were taught this in A Knight’s Tale

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    ★★★★½

    Having watched this for a third time I am at a complete loss as to why people hate it enough to go on YouTube and do a shit with their trousers on. 

    For me it sits alongside Rogue One, A New Hope and Jedi as the best of the lot. I love Luke’s arc, adore the fan service, and feel incredibly sad every time Carrie Fisher’s on screen. More R2 in the next one please, JJ.

    Trivia: It’s not a prerequisite to have had full sex with a woman to be able to enjoy this film, but it appears it helps a great deal

  • A Knight's Tale

    A Knight's Tale

    ★★★★★

    So good. So, so good. 

    Silly enough. Funny enough. Serious enough. Likeable cast, hissable baddy, We Will Rock You and not a minute on screen feels wasted. This film won’t change your life, it doesn’t reinvent a single thing, but if you don’t have a smile on your face by the end you’re a bad shit.

    Trivia: This, along with Rocky IV, Wayne’s World, Wayne’s World 2, Dogma, and So I Married An Axe Murderer are on my will watch once a year for the rest of my life list

  • Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

    Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

    ★★★★★

    I know you've heard so many people say
    I've got a different girl in every town
    But there must be somebody telling lies
    And spreading rumours, spreading rumours all around
    Because my only joy, is a cuddly toy
    Waiting for me when I get home
    And what I need is a girl like you
    To call my very own
    (chorus)
    So you've got to feel for me baby
    So you've got to feel for me baby
    So you've got to…

  • The Post

    The Post

    ★★½

    This should be better than it actually is, but it’s not.

    Trivia: When Tom Hanks smiles somebody somewhere opens a four-finger Kit-Kat and finds there’s none of that wafer nonsense they were expecting, it’s all chocolate

  • We Bought a Zoo

    We Bought a Zoo

    ★★★★

    My wife started crying at this film about 20 minutes in. My daughter started crying at this film about an hour in. I started crying at this film at the end when they opened the zoo for the first time. We are a family of emotional wrecks.

    Trivia: Matt Damon’s a bit chubby in this film, and I’m into it.