The Dark Tower

The Dark Tower ½

Fuck.

This movie has forgotten the face of its father. 

Sony took King's magnum opus and squandered it. What we have here, after so many stops and starts, is a Maze Runnered, Divergented bastardization of The Dark Tower. It's a YA flick with a Mid-World lexicon.

Literally couldn't stop laughing when, after a total onslaught of Hey look it's King-Stuff!, I turned to my friend and said "Watch there be a St Bernard" and what do you know there's Cujo right as it comes out of my mouth!

How do you take one of the most engagingly strange and consistently unpredictable fantasy/horror series of all time and make it sooooo boring? Kind of a feat. The longest 95 minutes of my life.

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