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  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

    Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

    ★★½

    "High hopes" is one hell of an understatement. My favorite childhood books. André Øvredal. What isn't to love? I'll tell you. This movie. This movie isn't to love. It's.....okaaaay. The books provided the scares and imagery. Just...*POOF* cgi them into existence. And maybe don't include some dumbass Goosebumps (2015) type of story. Kids in love with a stranger! The....war..in Vietnam? Richard...Nixon??? Like what the fuck was that shoehorned in there for???? I don't know. Maybe I have to give those books another page-through and see if the moral is that the draft is the real terror here.

  • Midsommar

    Midsommar

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A jaw-dropping masterpiece. If you don't fuck with this movie, I don't fuck with you. I mean seriously. This is a masterclass on tone and pacing. There isn't a second wasted. There's no moment where I think "this could really end like we get it." Or "well that didn't last long enough". The gore was perfectly dotted throughout and occurred just often enough to remind you "Yeah. Ari Aster likes head trauma." But fuck it, so do I!

    I was…

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  • The Caller

    The Caller

    A movie about a woman who needs to invest in some lighting for her apartment.

  • Blue Jasmine

    Blue Jasmine

    Woody Allen truly is the master of writing annoying, unlikable characters, resulting in annoying, unlikable movies.