Lady Bird

Lady Bird ★★★★★

Whenever I think about Lady Bird I often become dumbfounded. I'm never sure if there's really a proper way to get across how much I love this film or how much it means to me, how much it transcends my soul and uplifts my spirit. I think of Lady Bird as a collection of memories. The film itself and the many times I spent watching it. I remember that first day watching it in a full theater and walking out sobbing for a good 20 minutes then calling my mother. The same day this film managed to miraculously rekindle my relationship with my mother. I remember that second time watching it with my mother and it striking a chord in her. Then watching it again and sharing that moment with my best friend. I watched it again just recently and decided to watch it again today this time with my older brother. He didn't like the movie. He consistently detested Lady Bird calling her an idiot and noted that Danny turning out gay was "tragic". To contrast, I think it's interesting to look at how this film manages to be so affecting to me though. How these moments like your first kiss or tending to your best friend resonate with me so much. Every single time I've watched this film I ended up sobbing, its inevitable. There's always something that breaks me. Those soft and warm shots showing the beauty of Sacramento, the whirling and luminous score, the powerhouse performances by Laurie and Saoirse - something about this film always bring me to tears. Maybe I'm just overdramatic about this film. Or maybe not? I mean look at the amount of people this film touched. For christ sake it saved my relationship with my mother. When I watched this with my mother she turned to me during many scenes and she'd say "they really made a movie about you". And here I am again, still unsure of exactly how to convey how much I'm thankful for this film.

I do know what I would like to finish this little entry with though. As the year closes, I got my acceptance letters. I got accepted into every school I applied to. I of course cried a lot and my friends gave me a celebration. It was the most rewarding feeling, to have that hard work payoff. It made me feel like I actually do have meaning. I recently got a letter from a freaking ivy league school saying I'm a "distinctive asset" and a "huge new addition" to the school since I was awarded the highest academic scholarship (from every school I applied to as well). I'm not sure what's next for me, or what happens in the future. Maybe I'll be walking an ivy league campus daily, Maybe I won't til grad school - who knows. But I do know that I've learned a lot through the soul searching I did this entire year. I learned more about me; what it means to be 'Gerard', who my friends really are, family, managing my mental health, continuing my film studies, getting better in my writing, what I'm capable of. I'd be lying if I said this film didn't strike a revelation within me and aid in the final steps of my soul searching. This film came to me at the perfect time in my life. And through all of Lady Bird's beautifully captivating moments there is one moment that always hits me. Lady Bird walking into this church, mascara smudged across her face as tears stream from her eyes while she watches this church choir sing. To me, this is the defining moment of Lady Bird. Because in the end, I know wherever I decide to go or whatever I do - home will go with me.

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