Ghost in the Shell

Ghost in the Shell ½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Top 5 Things (To Know) About Ghost in the Shell:

1. ScarJo Phonin' - We love Scarlett Johansson, but she's barely even here in this movie. We'd say she's phoning it in, but that would be an insult to phones. Only in this movie, could she make a robot come across stiff and wooden. Someone should have asked her to try...

2. A City of Crap - Technology has progressed a long way, but you wouldn't know it watching this film. The cityscapes in this made the graphics of the 90s cartoon look cutting-edge. It's like Blade Runner and Ultraviolet had an angry fuck session and gave birth to this and then left it in an alley.

3. Plot "Updates"? - They took the skeleton of the original story, threw out half of the necessary bones, and then crafted new bones out of hardened popcorn grease.

4. The White Washing - Not even the mid-movie reveal that Scarlett Johansson's brain is actually from an Asian person (WHAT?!?!) can hide the fact that they messed up the casting for this.

5. Plodding Plotting - They say "time flies when you're having fun." What is the phrase for "I watched an hour and 45 minute movie and felt like it was 5 hours long"?