A Polish Vampire in Burbank ★★★

None of the actors who appeared in A Polish Vampire in Burbank were paid, which helped keep the total budget of the film under $3,000. So, as I have said about a fair number of the low, LOW-budget movies I enjoy, this wasn't made with money, it was made with love.

Director, writer, and star of A Polish Vampire in Burbank, Mark Pirro has crafted a sometimes funny and often silly horror comedy that manages to hold your attention for the entire running time.

According to IMDb, the sound quality of the cameras used were so bad that the dialogue was added post-production. In addition to it being quite obvious that they were dubbed, my favorite movie nerd - Eddie Deezen didn't have his signature sound as Mark Pirro dubbed him as well as his on-screen father.

Pirro plays a coming-of-age vampire named Dupah ("is that Polish?") who is being pressured by his father and sister to get out there and start biting people for sustenance, as he's been drinking blood through a straw, out of a bag supplied by his father. His father is afraid that Dupah will end up like his big brother Sphincter (played by Eddie Deezen), who was never able to achieve neck penetration. Sphincter is now a skeletal-zombie after melting away in the sun.

Dupah meets a young woman who is obsessed with vampire films and as they are falling in love, he is working up the courage to lose his neck-biting virginity.

In the midst of his discoveries, he comes across a queerwolf who later spins-off into his own film, also directed by Pirro, called Curse of the Queerwolf.

A Polish Vampire in Burbank sports beautifully crude special FX, a black cat scat-singing after being told to "scat," and a rather fun scene with Sunny and Cher impersonators.

Now excuse me while I freak out a little bit after realizing that, director, Mark Pirro is from Batavia, New York...where I was born in 1983.

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