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  • Quicksilver Highway

    Quicksilver Highway

    ★½

    If Christopher Lloyd showed up looking like this when I was stranded on the side of the road, not only would I have been like "FUCK NO" when he asked me to go with him back to his place, he would have been asking me through a rolled up window in a locked car with my hand on a tire iron.

    Mick Garris really had a thing for Stephen King in the 1990s, but men's duster jackets and desert twang…

  • Evilspeak

    Evilspeak

    ★★★★

    Watched this again today with commentary and I just want to say that I really love Evilspeak a lot, Clint Howard was made for the role of Coopersmith, a rather pathetic guy who is always on edge, dealing with abuse coming from his peers and his teachers, keeping him alienated & weak [the welfare case the prestigious military academy were forced to accept into the ranks], he's constantly blinking away tears and that sweat was very real because as I learned…

  • XX

    XX

    ★★★½

    When the four women were approached to make the short films that would eventually comprise XX, they knew nothing about the other person's film and when the four shorts came together, maybe unsurprisingly, they were thematically similar, resulting in a solid anthology with a focus on female characters in domestic predicaments, three of the segments deal with mothers and one with siblings.

    While I enjoyed all four segments, there's always going to be at least one that stands out as…

  • A Haunted House

    A Haunted House

    ★★

    This was super[naturally] immature, offensive, and just plain bad. I'm gonna watch A Haunted House 2 later tonight because apparently I couldn't get enough fart/poop jokes, I'm ready for the sequel to "scare the #2 outta me."

  • The Evil Within

    The Evil Within

    I don't know why this is the one moment that really struck me as unbelievable in The Evil Within, it was the only thing I made a note of while watching it, but I've never heard an actual human suggest "let's go get coffee at that ice cream place" because who goes to an ice cream place for fucking coffee unless it's coffee flavored ice cream?! What planet was the director from?! Probably a planet where the life forms are…

  • Unborn But Forgotten

    Unborn But Forgotten

    ★½

    Unborn But Forgotten, more like Watched But Forgotten, heh heh heh

    Blah, blah, blah Korean horror film about an OBGYN's website that kills expecting women or some shit, I guess it's a ghost site? Whatever the fuck that is.

    The most interesting part was when we started watching this movie, I had it in my head that it was from 2012 and for a solid 20 minutes I was like "man, they're really taking this throwback to the '90s feel…

  • Christina's House

    Christina's House

    In the late 1990s/early 2000s, pre-Saw but post-Scream, homes equipped with huge traps and already entangled young people in love triangles was apparently a thing if you count Christina's House and Kolobos (and maybe a ton of other nonsense horror movies from this time that I go out of my way to avoid), I found myself thinking about movies that could have inspired this and Kolobos but I'm drawing a blank! Cube, maybe?

    Either way, Christina's House is hot patriarchal…

  • The Void

    The Void

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    While I'll happily laud the practical/special effects of The Void, the story was so derivative of better horror films that I found myself thoroughly underwhelmed/bored by the end. Some of the performances were lacking but my biggest complaint is with the doctor and his entire purpose, unexplained cultists surrounding a hospital to get to the portal underneath would be far more effective than bogging the audience down with a corny explanation/backstory accompanying every ridiculous twist. Allowing the audience to fill…

  • Sleeping with the Devil

    Sleeping with the Devil

    ★★★

    Is it a coincidence that I watched an episode of 48 Hours about a millionaire Texan who got away with murder/attempted murder of his soon-to-be-ex-wife [and her friends/family] in the '70s earlier in the day and ended my evening with a made-for-TV movie based on a book that's based on the real-life case of Janni Smith who was paralyzed in an assassination attempt by her former lover, another millionaire man from Texas, or is it simply not a coincidence because…

  • Killer Dead

    Killer Dead

    ½

    Killer Dead aka Non-Vegetarian Zombies from Outer Space is Brendan Faulkner's follow up to the charming FX spectacle Spookies, but without Thomas Doran, Genie Joseph, or the special FX crew, Killer Dead is a painfully boring mess that feels a hell of a lot more like you're watching a 12-year-old's backyard movie with a few adults from the neighborhood playing along. If the first 30 minutes of a barely 80-minute feature is comprised of poorly scripted dialogue performed by non-actors…

  • I Don't Know Jack

    I Don't Know Jack

    ★★★

    There was a lot about Jack Nance's personal life that I was completely unaware of, so, you could say, I didn't know Jack but in this documentary full of interviews with the people who loved & knew him best, we're given a secondhand glimpse of who he was outside of the characters we have come to know & love in anecdotal tales of first impressions, how his alcoholism affected other people's lives and, ultimately, his own. The interviews are heartfelt so I…

  • Dracula

    Dracula

    ★★½

    For me, the worst part of watching a movie alone is not having anyone to make dumb jokes & observations to, so, I'll just write up a quick transcript of the commentary I had with myself while watching Dracula:

    - Whoa! They have armadillos and opossums in Transylvania?!
    - If I showed up as an invited guest to Dracula's castle, as soon as I saw those mammoth spider webs, I woulda been like "Damn Drac, you couldn't dust a little bit…