"Confession time: Despite coming of age in the ’80s and landing in the heart of the target audience for John Hughes’ teen comedies, I never identified with the teenage characters in them — or aspired to be like them, really. Part of this has to do with being gay in the suburbs, an environment where “out and proud” wasn’t even remotely an option and conformity felt like a straitjacket. As much as I was an academically adept social misfit, though,…
Hercule Poirot Against the Man Murderers
This film has a few problems. For starters, a full 20 minutes elapses before the Orient Express gets underway, and nearly 20 more pass before the murder upon it is discovered. Its central mystery is also curiously uninvolving, even as Branagh's enigmatic turn as the persnickety Poirot is never less than delightful. If this does well enough that he and his astonishing mustache return a couple years hence in Death on the Nile -- a prospect clearly set up at this film's conclusion -- I, for one, would not cry foul.
This "film" has a running time of about 79 minutes. Here's how that breaks down:
5.5% - Kirk Cameron's smug, hot chocolate-obsessed introduction
3% - A seemingly unmotivated cutaway to what looks like a much more interesting movie but is, in fact, not (Bonus: We get to see this footage again in its entirety when it's placed in the proper context)
2.5% - Cheaply animated opening credits set to a ska cover of "Silent Night"
7.5% - Kirk's "brother-in-law" --…