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  • Jurassic World

    Jurassic World


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Every problem is caused by fat guys. One is lazy. The other is greedy. Both are stupid. Other stupid people use their cell phones too much. A few people get killed but not nearly enough. Surprisingly the black guy is not killed but, of course, both fat guys get killed. Chris Pratt is skinny, serious and not very charming but he does ride a motorcycle and use a clicker. Why did they get Chris Pratt for this part? Zack Efron…

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens


    A guy throws his drink at me in the parking lot. The ginger guy from Frank bosses people around and does a bad job but doesn't get invisible strangled like he should. The Girls guy doesn't do any gross sperm stuff but still needs a haircut. The cute robot reminds me of my dogs. Andy Serkis is a cartoon villain which happens every few months. C3PO is a putz but he has a red arm. I can't remember why he…