Lords of Chaos

O’Boy, what an embarrassment...

Pros:
Varg is played by a Jew! Haha, I love that.

Cons:
Everything else.
It’s not a good movie just because you get the t-shirts right.

If you don’t know the story, you might enjoy this as an American teen drama with Beavis & Butt-Head elements and a bit of gore thrown in. That’s all there is to it. The real story has so much potential, but all is lost in ”Lords of Chaos”. Borrowing its title from a poorly researched book, I guess it was doomed from the start.

This is simply a soulless Hollywood parody on memories of friends who died, made for entertainment only. No ambition, no greater purpose. The spirit of the 90’s black metal scene is nowhere to be found, and the overall comedy vibes are just so out of touch. Sure, the black metal scene seems like a comedy to outsiders, and many BM freaks surely have a dark romantic view of what happened, but this is just deceptive and disrespectful. I know it’s not a documentary, but come on…

I don’t claim to know exactly what happened back then (few people do, actually), but I’ve listened to black metal since 1987 when discovering Bathory, and got really interested in 1992. When Metalion unleashed the crucial tenth issue of Slayer Mag, I was seriously hooked. So, following the black metal scene for 25 years I know a few things, but even when ignoring all the misconceptions, it’s by no means a good film. The dialogue is cringy as fuck, the actors are totally off and completely miscast, and the script seems to be written by a 12 year old. Love story, wtf? Euronymous cutting his hair? Chocolate milk? There are so many retarded details of this kind, it’s impossible not to call this a parody. At least the photo looks nice, but why ignore the beautiful nature of Norway? It would have made a great contrast. Again, lost potential.

I hope this is the last thing we hear about the early days of Norwegian black metal. Let it be, buried by time and dust.

Reason for not rating it half a star:
It’s slightly better than ”Polar”.