I mean sure, the story kind of meanders all over the place, and the eventual reveal of the villains and their motivation is deeply unsatisfying, and police brutality is presented as not just a virtue but a laugh riot. But the stunt work is out-of-control astonishing, Jackie's skill for Keatonesque physical comedy is at its peak, and the final showdown in a dang fireworks factory somehow raises the bar considerably over the first film's legendary shopping mall climax. I'd never…
"Yes, I represent Mr. John Carradine. I'm calling with a couple of questions he had about this script you sent over, this, uh, Vampire Hookers. Charming title by the way. Now, if I understand this correctly, Mr. Carradine would be playing some sort of vampire Hugh Hefner of the Philippines? Mm-hm. And you have that local fellow, what's his name, Vic Diaz on board as a constantly flatulent Renfield? Yeah, that's, um... funny stuff."
"Say, could you speak up? There's…
Look, obviously when a movie starts out with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing on a Trans-Siberian train battling an otherworldly shapeshifter that eats brains with its eyes, eventually you're going to get around to Telly Savalas in a deep red smoking jacket beating the hell out of a Rasputinesque monk in a crowded dining car. Fortunately, the stylish execution makes up for the same-old same-old plot.
I mean, how does a grown-up man even find adorable dinosaur pajamas in his size in Mexico City in 1989?
Oh right, the review... Uh... So as much fun as a Mexican Nightmare on Elm Street knock-off might sou-
But for real, there were people involved in that decision. Like, paid professionals - consultants, wardrobe artists, the director - and not one of them found anything wrong with the hero spending half the film running around in dino jammies and…