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  • Dolittle

    Dolittle

    ★★

    SOMEONE GET A LOZENGE FOR POOR BOB DOWNEY THE SECOND!! WHY YOU MAKE HIM DO A WHOLE MOVIE WHEN HE’S OBVIOUSLY GOT A SORE THROAT AND CAN BARELY TALK!! ALSO WHY DIDN’T THOSE BAG PIPES STUCK IN THAT DRAGON’S ASS MAKE MUSIC WHEN SHE FARTED?? PLOT HOLE!!


    FOR REAL THOUGH, SOLID 22-YEAR OLD RUSH HOUR REFERENCE.

  • Samurai Cop

    Samurai Cop

    ½

    I'm 99% certain I could edit this "film" down to 25 minutes and it would be just as comprehensible.

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  • Man of Steel

    Man of Steel

    ★★★

    4 stars for when this was just a crazy space civil war film. 3.5 stars when it is just Clark Kent wandering around Bill Bixby style. 2.5 stars for when Superman actually shows up and fails to save the civilians of Smallville from Zod and company. 1.5 stars for the last 30 minutes when Superman is actively murdering people because he's not bright enough to take the fight to a less populated area. .5 star for Superman being a total…

  • Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out!

    Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out!

    ★★½

    You know when you’re like super high and get the mad hungry munchies late at night so you somehow find the motivation to get out of bed and stumble your way to the kitchen and you rifle through the cupboards and nada so you check the fridge and all you have is some guacamole that is a day or two old so it’s kind of browning but you like guacamole so what the hell grab a spoon and you’re just…