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  • The Shining

    The Shining

    ★★★★½

    The Dril origin story is even more harrowing and upsetting than I realized.

  • The Witch

    The Witch

    ★★★★½

    *Ray Parker jr. singing voice* 
    “I ain’t afraid of no goats”

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  • Luther

    Luther

    ★★★

    Loses a couple of stars because Martin Luther is so distractingly hot in this movie, a problem all Luther movies have to deal with.

  • Cool Cat Saves the Kids

    Cool Cat Saves the Kids

    ★★★★★

    This movie saved my marriage and my life on multiple occasions. The only reason this movie hasn’t won an Oscar is that Evangelical churches don’t have the infrastructure yet to handle the sheer number of converts this movie will make when it becomes widely known.


    Five stars, coincidentally the same number of whiskey sours Eric Estrada seems to have had before filming his scene.