jacobstertz has written 16 reviews for films rated ★★ .

  • Space Cowboys

    Space Cowboys

    ★★

    Space Trash

  • Draft Day

    Draft Day

    ★★

    The premise was questionable. The execution was worse. What happened to waterworld Costner?

  • Ambulance

    Ambulance

    ★★

    This shit was DUMB. How does this get made? Why?do they spend the whole movie saving one cop but then kill a dozen others? Shit was stupid.

  • American Flyers

    American Flyers

    ★★

    Quite possibly the worst soundtrack of all time. The story itself has the backbone of something that could be interesting but the actual product is about as bad as the soundtrack. Big saving grace is that some of the nature/country shots were cool and the location of Madison, Wisconsin is appreciated.

  • Possessor

    Possessor

    ★★

    All blood and guts and zero character building. If you like seeing eyeballs stabbed out and throats slit, then this is your movie!

  • Fear Street: 1978

    Fear Street: 1978

    ★★

    So she was stabbed repeatedly in the side, hitting what I’m guessing is her kidney, and homeboy brings her back with some trash CPR? C’mon now…

  • The Tomorrow War

    The Tomorrow War

    ★★

    Looks very good but either the studio or the director made some very questionable story choices. For example, they spend most of the movie trying to make the fictitious alien/future scenario seem believable and —after 45 minutes of that and limited action— have Pratt’s character cracking jokes moments after he witnesses a couple hundred people get got by what looks like a cross between the Quiet Place monster and the season 2 Stranger Things monster. Also, Pratt’s six pack was CGI’d— don’t @ me.

  • Striptease

    Striptease

    ★★

    So, the crux of the the story is that the judge gave parental rights to the father because he was “the best tailback this state has ever seen.”

  • The Peacemaker

    The Peacemaker

    ★★

    This was just straight up not very good. Cloon-job is annoying and kidwoman is very sub-par. I think everyone can agree that “weapons of mass destruction” doesn’t need to make it in any film ever again.

  • The Cutting Edge

    The Cutting Edge

    ★★

    Some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever come across.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★

    Liu Kang’s hair tho... every party girl from the 80’s would have given up mini skirts and neon for that shit. And his flawless skin? Well, they did too much coke and drank too much to care about that... just use more make-up and smile more— dudes don’t really care anyway.

  • Hillbilly Elegy

    Hillbilly Elegy

    ★★

    The movie equivalent to the smell of dog farts.